Keepin it Real

I tweet! On Twitter that is.

I can condense a thought into 140 characters-not bad. Twitter is not for the "chatty Cathy" types. I also do "Facebook" and can post an incoherent opinion in 420 characters. As I sit here in my favorite bagel place, I see about 7 other people tweeting or facebookin' or having some type of e-Conversation on their fancy iPads, laptops or Blackberry's.

We are so connected yet, at times, we're so alienated from one another. Now don't get me wrong, I like the new stuff. I'm a boomer and I tweet with the best of the Gen Xrs' or Millennials'. And Facebook has connected me with people I may never see again this side of heaven, so I am thankful.

But are we loosing something here? One cannot be "Together" online. This is a new phenomenon in which we give up intimacy for a virtual relationship. I want to balance my eChats with the timeless intimacy of relational "togetherness" that only takes place in the face to face-physical presence of the other-something we miss in our eWorld.

I'm Keepin it real and enjoying my eFriends at the same time. We could do both and be real.

Just an Ordinary Guy

The more I live, the more I long for the ordinary life. Everything seems so specialized-I don't like that. Maybe it's my age. I'm going through what my psychologist friend calls a "Life Passage"- Whatever.

But that's not what's bugging me. What really rubs me the wrong way are people who believe they have certain "specialness" that make them superior to me. You know how you can tell if they're special? Just ask them.

I don't know, maybe I'm growing weary of all the hand wringing and posturing going on among the "special" people out there. Like the Gnostics of old, these precious folks believe they have the hidden secrets on truth.

On TV I hear the special men and women wax eloquently on how pure they are. They pontificate how their political or "culturally-hyphenated" group is untainted by corruption like those other rascally groups are. Either you're a victim or an oppressor. It's all smoke. Their "specialness" is an illusion-an escape from the ordinary.

A friend told me of a cocky, braggadocios Mixed Martial Arts fighter he knew. One night this guy was "trash talking" and got into a heated altercation that ended up in the parking lot-the smug fighter pulled a punch and the other guy pulled a gun and shot the MMA warrior dead. His "specialness" couldn't save him.

The story is a reminder that there are certain things in this life that are bigger than us mere mortals-like death. Death is a great equalizer. Whether you're a (D) or an (R) or a "This-American" or a "That-American"-we all face death the same way.

Authenticity is another equalizer that chips away at our sense of "specialness" and forces us to face the stark realization that we are "ordinary." Just once it would be refreshing for someone to say "I'm just an ordinary guy, don't look to me for your needs."

There's freedom in the "ordinary." But many people do not want this freedom-so they hide behind their "specialness" and continue to be burdened down by the weight of the illusion of "specialness."

Hey I'm just an ordinary guy and I like it that way. And by the way, ordinary people do special things every once in a while.

Throwing Rocks

A group of men dragged a woman to the front of temple steps, to where Jesus was speaking. They proudly proclaimed her guilt: "this woman was caught in the act of adultery and the law say's to stone her, what do you say, Rabbi?" 

The accusers were lawyers just itching to catch Jesus in a legal trap. Their question smacked of self righteousness dripping with an insincere moral superiority. Would Jesus support the law or would he dismiss it and be regarded as a zealot? This was the biblical version of the political "gotcha" question.
 
The litigants picked up rocks to execute the sinner and showcase their "righteousness." But Jesus remained silent-he knew their intent. "How do you rule, teacher?" they demanded. Jesus knelt down beside the women and scribbled something in the dirt. "What will it be?" they pushed for His verdict.
 
Then Jesus stood up, faced the men and said "All right, stone her, but let those who have never sinned throw the first stone." Jesus words hung in the air for what seemed like eternity. And for a moment He rendered the "rock throwers" impotent. He flipped it on them. He ruled on the accused-then went inward to the heart of the accusers.
 
The rock throwers judgment was made in bad faith-an insincere, self righteous condemnation. They appointed themselves judge, jury and executioner-a position only reserved for the one true Judge-God-who is the "maker of heaven and earth who will one day judge the living and the dead."
 
Jesus knelt back down and finished writing in the dirt and one by one, beginning with the oldest; they dropped their rocks and walked away. Only Jesus and the woman were alone. He looked in her eyes and said "where are your accusers-did even one of them condemn you?"
"No" she said quietly.
Jesus replied "Then neither do I, go and sin no more."
 
Jesus made two judgments-one for the woman and the other for the "rock throwers." His judgment of the woman was animated by the law of love. This is operational law for those who live in the kingdom of God-followers of Christ.
 
Love governs my every action. Love first-then proceed with correcting, discerning and making a judgment-the New Testament word for making this "judging" is "krinos."
 
Jesus' condemnation of the rock throwers was not in the outward act of making a judgment, but the inward condition of the heart in which the judgment is made.
 
As the rock throwers lifted themselves up on the "bema" seat reserved only for the one true judge-God, they picked up their rocks. And in doing so they walked right into their own condemnation.

Live Free or Die

New Hampshire's state motto is "Live Free or Die." I like the ring to that-Live Free or Die-Yeah! Well, it sounds good until you're confronted with it. Freedom demands responsibility. Responsibility and Freedom are inseparable. A philosopher once said "Freedom is not the power to do what you want but the power to do what you ought."

Life's a struggle between two powerful and competing desires-to be free or to be taken care of. It's easy to choose the latter. Having others take care of me is safe, convenient and a life not worth living. As I defer my responsibility to others, I give up the ability to govern myself and I slowly die inside-Live Free or Die.

Freedom is a hard road to travel. It takes courage to make my own way in spite of my circumstances. But along the way I discover my true self and become authentic. I step out from the safety and invisibility of the crowd and stand alone as an individual. I become an "I" and no longer a "they." I am authentic and free.

Living the free life means I stop blaming others for my circumstances-I refuse to be a victim and take charge of my own life. Living the free life demands that I stop the narcissistic naval gazing and realize the world doesn't revolve around me. "Freedom" requires me to break the chains of the past and not allow my current predicament to define me.

I live among others as an individual. I'm obligated to others because I am free-I make that choice-it's not dictated to me. Victor Frankl, who survived the cruelties of a concentration camp and later wrote the seminal book "Man's Search for Meaning" stated that "everything can be taken away from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms-to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."

To "live free" is a choice, a hard one to be sure, but a worthwhile endeavor. Will you live free or die?

“Love” Let Me Count the Ways

C.S. Lewis wrote a book called "The 4 Loves." I saw all 4 this morning at a bagel and bread place called Panera. I observed Affection, Friendship, Eros and Charity within 30 minutes. First, I noticed a young couple in a booth, holding hands while eating. Never mind the fine motor skills it takes to accomplish this, but they appeared "in love."

Across from the "love birds" was a group of men discussing the bible and the BCS college football standings. Next to them, was a middle age man and his young daughter. The little girl was wiggling in her chair, singing a song about butterflies. The man smiled, hummed a few bars and quietly told the little one to be still and finish her food.

In all three conversations, love was being expressed. Love can be communicated many ways and is essential to cultivating a meaningful relationship where intimacy, care and regard for the other person are nurtured. C.S. Lewis describes the 4 Loves as:

Affection or Storge is a fondness through familiarity, a natural love without coercion.

Friendship or Phileo is a strong bond existing between people who share a common interest or activity.

Eros is the sense of being 'in love' which is distinct from sexuality which Lewis calls Venus. Eros can have a sexual expression but it does not define this love.

Charity or Agape is the unconditional care for a person regardless of circumstance. Lewis recognizes charity as the greatest of loves. He sees it as a Christian virtue. This love is expressed in God's unconditional love for us.

In the relationships we form, one or more of these "loves" is displayed. As I observed the "love fest" going on this morning, it gave me a sense of hope, in spite of all the anger and hate out there-love rules-let me count the ways. 

A Book Review “Mustain” The Story of Rocker Dave Mustain

Metal Rock Star, Dave Mustain, found the "one thing" missing from his life. And the journey almost killed him. That's the gist of his new book "Mustain." The reader travels down two paths. One path leads to the story of a multi platinum band; Megadeth, rocking the world on the biggest stages-in the glamorous and seedy world of rock and roll hedonism.

The second path leads to a small Texas town in the middle of nowhere on a freezing January night where Dave makes a decision that will change his eternal destination. The first path almost killed him and the second path brought him life.

As I was reading, It was like looking in the mirror of my own life. I felt a kindred spirit. We both grew up in Southern California during the promiscuous 70's and 80's. We surfed in the same waters off Huntington Beach. We both partied in the same haunts. We both were rock enthusiast of Heavy Metal and we both used music as a way of escape and meaning.

But this is where the analogy ends. Dave was a founding member of the band Metallica and then went on to form Megadeth-both were monster bands of metal rock. Right before Metallica was to launch into the legendary band they are now, Dave was unceremoniously booted out-an injustice that set him on a course of vengeance and self destruction.

His journey began from the chaos of a dysfunctional family-an abusive, alcoholic father who the family was constantly running from and a depressed mother who cleaned toilets to provide for her children.

In his quest to eclipse Metallica, he formed the band Megadeth and hit the big time. He traveled the world-had all the drugs, sex and anything that he wanted, all at his fingertips. One thing he could not find, was a way to heal the bitterness from his past rejections-first from his father and then from his close friends in Metallica.

He hated God because of an "authoritarian legalism" he experienced with his Mom and family who were Jehovah Witness'. He dabbled in witchcraft and even tried Buddhism and along with his abusive drug use, which included heroin-nothing filled the hole.

Then he met Pam. The relationship and subsequent marriage with Pam put Dave on the second path-the path that led to life-a path that included 17 times in re-hab. He and Pam had two kids. Pam went to church-Dave went to re-hab. Pam wanted a stable family life-Dave wanted drugs. Pam was counseled to leave the marriage-Dave wanted to die. Pam saw an attorney. Dave sought treatment for the 17^th time.

This leads us to, Hunt Texas, on a freezing January night-in a field, with a man named Le Roy. Right there, at a small wooden shack that acted as the chapel-without the spotlights, without the crowds-Dave Mustain said a simple prayer. He called Pam who also was praying and she knew in her heart Dave was a changed man.

His conversion snuck up on me-I didn't see it coming. Yet throughout the book I sensed a man searching, longing to fill the hole in his soul. And there it was in Hunt Texas. I thought wow; this is how God comes to us-this is how he came to us 2,000 years ago in a small town of Bethlehem in a dilapidated wooden manger. Salvation is not exploited by the worlds definition of success.

Dave Mustain has a long way to go and is not perfect-he struggles as all believers do. His path takes him through healing power of forgiveness for those who have hurt him deeply. He has a loving wife and two children who remind him where his priorities are.

And now his music-his passion-is no longer clouded by the drugs and darkness of a sinful life. He expresses his music on the biggest stage-the stage of eternal life. It's a great read. 

The Accuser: A Different View of Hate

 
Message to all accusers out there: Zip it!

Can't we have a conversation today without being smeared? Unfortunately that is not enough for the accusers among us-they love to spread dissension. If you tell a lie long enough and loud enough, people will believe it. Saul Alinski and Josef Gerbils would be proud.

In J.R.R. Tolkien's 'Lord of the Rings', there is a character by the name of Grima son of Galmod, who used his false accusations to weaken the Kingdom of Rohan and deceive the King. The malicious smears took root in the kingdom and poisoned all that was good and decent.

Fortunately, goodness and truth prevailed in the person of Gandalf, he rebuked the accuser stating: "The wise speak only of what they know, Gríma son of Gálmód, a witless worm have you become. Therefore be silent, and keep your forked tongue behind your teeth.

The accuser traffics "hate" through malicious accusations and slander. He appears charming and sensible-he slyly accuses his enemies as being haters. On the outside, the accuser portrays himself as "righteous." But on the inside, hatred has burned a hole in his soul.

His moral condemnations are eaten up by his sycophants, who in turn disperse the accusations with wild abandon. Many follow the accuser and believe his hateful lies. The accuser is undeterred in his defiance of the 9^th commandment: "You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor." But today, "Slander" has become a multi-million dollar cottage industry-" Make a false accusation-file a lawsuit and hit the jackpot, Not a bad gig if you can get it.

Do not believe the lies of the accuser-he appears wise, but is full of hate. If we truly want a national conversation about important issues, goodness and truth will need to prevail. Disagree and debate all we want, but without lies, hate and false accusations. Do not be deceived-say no to hate-say no to the Accuser.


 

 

Influence

Influence has a quiet power to it. It's not coercive or "in your face." Certain people have that special "something" that we gravitate towards. Dale was such a person. Besides "respect" for others, which Dale modeled, there was this hidden "something" about Dale that wasn't so apparent but was profound.

It was that Dale took a genuine interest and un-conditional positive regard in what I had to say. I know this may sound too simplistic, but this quality, is what drew me towards Dale. And his words and actions influenced me.

One of Britain's most famous female politician and socialite Lady Astor tells a story about two prominent Prime ministers: Benjamin Disraeli and William Gladstone. She said "after a conversation with Gladstone, you would walk away thinking he was the most famous person in Britain-but after talking to Disraeli you would think you were the most famous person in Britain."

A person with true Influence moves away from themselves and towards the other person with genuine curiosity. GK Chesterton said it best: "How much larger your life would be if your self were smaller in it." I think this best describes the quiet power on influence and is something I desire to practice.


 

The Power of Self Awareness

I caught a glimpse of my reflection in a store window and…WHOA. I was troubled by what I saw-my walk, my weight and my poor fashion choice. Who I thought I was and who I was, didn't match. Something went wrong in the reflection. I experienced a moment of self awareness and didn't like it-but I needed it.

Of course, a reflection only shows the outside and cannot show what's inside. But truth be told, I form a picture of myself on the inside based on my values and the standards of what I think a man my age should be like-I compare myself to others.

The perception is shallow and could be flawed. But if I look deeper into myself, I see what forms my character-the person I really am. Moments of self awareness do not change me from the outside-although a different shirt would have helped. Self awareness examines the deep parts of my character and that is where change and maturity happen.

Self awareness separates "myself" from my "perceived self" and I take an objective look at who I really am. I examine my motives, values and standards that I use to compare myself to others. I soon find out that either my values were out of sync or my perception of me was.

A conflict occurs when the two do not match. That moment I saw the reflection, I knew something was out of sync and self awareness brought me back in sync with my values. Practicing self awareness aligns your perceptions with your values.

I could spend a lot of time wondering how others see me but what is most important and where I begin is "how I see me." My reputation is how others see me but my character defines the real me. When reputation and character come together they form the genuine self. And Self awareness brings me closer to my character.

Abraham Lincoln once said: "Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing." Self awareness follows the shadow to the tree.

Slinging the Slurs

In every age the vilest specimens of human nature are to be found among demagogues ~ Thomas Babington Macaulay (1800-1859)

Whether it's the "Ground Zero" Mosque, or the Arizona Law or Gay Marriage, I've got to tip my hat to the demagogues-they sure know how to sling the slurs. I step back and admire the breathtaking speed by which a "smear" is flung with reckless abandon. Demagogues have no sense of humor-they really need to lighten up.

Demagogues wish to "shut you up" if you dissent from their narrative. Demagoguery silences the "opposing voices" by intimidating them with smears and lies. Political Correctness is an insidious form of demagoguery in the guise of "speech codes."

The current "soupe de jour" of smears can be found in Columnist, Dennis Prager's acronym: SIX HIRB-"Sexist, Intolerant, Xenophobe, Homophobes, Islamaphobes, Racist, and Bigot." All these cards are currently played by the demagogue for the sole purpose to shut down dissent-period.
 
A friend, who I respect and disagree with on some of these issues, was engaged in a thoughtful conversation, which went well. Why, because I consider my friend a decent person who I respect. I was more interested in her perspective than winning the debate. We sought clarity over agreement. I disagreed but respected my friend's "take" on the issues.

Free expression thrives in an atmosphere of decency and respect. Decency and respect for the others opinion creates an atmosphere where I could speak freely without fear of being demonized or dismissed. If we are not free to express opposing views-we are not free. Demagoguery poisons the well of free and open speech and has no place in the national dialogue.

But back to my friend and me-we're not ideologues even though we have passion in what we believe. Our friendship and desire to understand one another is more important than to win the debate or silence the other with a smear.

On a personal level, in everyday life, thousands of these "coffee table" conversations go on all the time. We may disagree with friends but we don't want to silence them with smears. If we can promote this "coffee table" conversation to the "national level, we will be able to have a conscientious, decent and respectful discussion on all these important issues. The only voice that needs to be silenced is that of the demagogue.

A Married Man among his Female Friends

I eat lunch at an outdoor mall and walk around before going back to work. I notice coworkers eating together. But sometimes I see a man and a woman sitting at a table and get the feeling they're married-but not to each other. To me, this encounter seems "out of place" as I notice the awkward glances and nervous flirting. I told my friend Jeff about my observation and he knew exactly what I was talking about. "It's a married man acting single" he tells me.

I love my wife and count myself lucky to have female friends-I can do both-like walking and chewing gum. But there are certain limitations to these friendships. I constantly remind myself of the differences. I have developed a "zone of discretion" so I can navigate the enjoyable company of my female friends while not compromising my integrity.

My zone is built on these principles:

• I start off with this thought: "Would I act the same way around my wife as I do my female friends?"
  
• I keep pictures of my wife and kids in my office as a visual reminder of where my priorities are.
  
• I make it a practice to go out to lunch as a group with my female friends.
  
• I become aware of feelings of attractions and keep them in check. I starve these feelings by acknowledging they exist but do not respond to them.
  
• I keep in mind what I would lose if I slip up: like the love and respect from my wife and three boys; my witness as a man of faith, among many other things.
  

Having female friends has enriched my life and actually made me a better husband and a man of integrity. But in order for this to happen, a zone of discretion has to be built and cultivated daily.

People with Chips

People who have a "chip on the shoulder" annoy me. They're not much fun to hang with. Every encounter seems to be problematic. You can easily spot a person with a chip. They're the ones who are easily offended; hypersensitive; defensive and judgmental.

They seem angry most of the time and they have this certain condescending "air of superiority" attitude over you. A lot of people with chips are obsessed with politics-Left and Right. They bottom feed on the ideological extremes. I know, I know, not all those who are politically involved have chips. I mean, after all, "Some of my best friends are 'political junkies'" on both sides.

I'm talking about folks like "the purveyors of political correctness" now they have big chips. They possess this "vulgar urge" to make moral pronouncements and assign evil intentions to those who disagree with them. I'm also talking about the people with chips in our churches that are quick to moralize and bring condemnation on the "spiritual inferior." For these people, I have nothing but disdain for.

But most people with chips are deeply insecure and they find some meaning from their "chip"-I did. I walked around for years with a chip on my shoulder. I lashed out on a world that I thought had "wronged me." I was angry and had no direction-until I turned 19. That's when a new life began-I accepted Jesus into my life.

I want to say my chip miraculously fell off right then-but it didn't. Something did happen though. I began to see the chip as an open wound that had yet to heal. It appeared the further I walked along my faith journey, God's grace was becoming larger and my chip was becoming smaller. It's not over but there are signs of "chip shrinkage."

One sign is my priorities have changed-like the relevance of politics in my life. I was once a "winger" and politics and my faith became blurred. After a while I began to realize politics was informing my faith and not the other way around. Today one of the best compliments I could receive from someone would be for them to say "I don't know much about his politics, but I know he's a man of God."

When chips become smaller-life becomes larger. There is a certain freedom you feel when your chip is no longer weighing you down.

A Man of Character: John Wooden R.I.P

October 14, 1910 to June 4, 2010
"They don't make em like Coach Wooden anymore." A giant of a man left the court of life, four months prior to reaching the century mark (October 14, 1910 to June 4, 2010).

God brought him off the bench to play on his starting team. John Wooden-the Wizard of Westwood-built one of the greatest sport dynasty's of our era at UCLA. The UCLA basketball program was the benchmark of excellence.

Considered one of the greatest coaches of any sport and a master tactician of the game, his lasting influence, however, will be felt off the court and in life. He taught us all about character. He once said "Be more concerned with your character than your reputation. Because your character is really who you are and your reputation is who people think you are." He had a love for the kids he coached. Bill Walton said "he was a friend first and then a coach."

He taught his players to love and respect the game by practicing humility, teamwork and love. We may laugh at such "arcane" values today-especially when we observe the current "sports culture" marked by self indulgence, materialism and vanity. Yet Basketball, as with most of our entertainment today, only mirrors the culture at large.

All is not lost however, because the Wizard of Westwood influenced hundreds of people on and off the basketball court who carry on the culture of character by living a life of humility, teamwork and love. His influence will live on. I think we all can benefit from Coach Wooden's life in his words and his deeds. We will miss the coach but we can be reminded daily by the many truisms he gave such as "Talent is God given; be humble. Fame is man given; be thankful. Conceit is self given; be careful,"

Coach John Wooden R.I.P

What? Me Worry? Yep

I worry a lot. But in recent years I've been able to find my footing. Yet worry still lingers in the dark corners of my mind. Two months ago, I became re-acquainted with my old friend. I was jolted out of my sleep with burning chest pain, unable to catch my breath and couldn't swallow. I thought "WOW, this is THE BIG ONE" as Fred Sanford told his son Lamont in the TV show "Sanford and Son."

It wasn't the big one. The crazy thing is, I've never had the "Big One". Over the years the "Big One" has never come. But worry doesn't care about facts. So the thoughts of what happened that night kept my mind on a DEFCON 5-high alert. I found myself mentally scanning for an abnormal signs in my body. Shortness of breath, heartburn and a lump in throat, all became threats.

One definition of worry is "an incessant goading to the point of despair." For me, this goading moves along a predictable pattern. Troubling thoughts turn to fear and fear turns to anxiety and anxiety turns to research on WebMD. But this time I recognized the journey towards despair and pulled out. In the past, I would've jumped on the internet and read up on GERD and barium swallows. Worry is like rust-it eats away at my peace of mind.

Life is a series of moving moments and worry robbed me of living fully in the moment. So I changed the pattern: when the troubling thought comes, I don't fight it, I allow it to come, identify what it is and then let it go. The thought doesn't hang around long enough for worry to get a foot hold. It comes-I acknowledge it and it goes.

I also reconnected the comforting words of Jesus: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Peace removes worry from the moment. And the peace that Jesus gives us is a peace that passes all understanding. In times of worry or in times of happiness, moment by moment, peace can be ours. Just ask and receive.

Today, what's your worry?

A Bad Case of the “If Only’s”

How many "If Only's" go round n round in your head? If Only's can be reflections we think about and then move on. Or they can be regrets that anchor us in the past. Reality has a way of crashing into my if only's and leads me in a different direction. There is one "if only" I have that creeps up now and then.

It began when I graduated from High School. I was only 17 at the time. My friend John and I were to enlist in the Navy together-on the buddy system. He was 18 and ready to be shipped off. But I needed to have my parents' signatures and after much back and forth with the folks, they didn't sign the papers. John sailed off and I stayed home-shipped wrecked.

This "if only" pops up with friends who were in the military and are now in a second career with military benefits to fall back on. So round n round it goes: "If only I went into the Navy at 17." But it didn't happen. And If I hang on to that regret, it will turn into resentment and keep me anchored in port-not being able to move on.

The if only's that are hard to swallow are the mistakes we made-Or the risks we took that fell through-Or the marriage we messed up. The poison of guilt and anger spills over into our conversations and daily lives-my life becomes tainted. I view all things through the dark lens of "if only."

My friend's mom passed away from a massive heart attack while she was standing over the kitchen sink washing dishes-in one moment she was gone. That morning my friend had an argument over the phone with her mom. Things didn't go well, in what was to be the last conversation they had. My friend mulls this if only over in her head constantly-"If only I could have told her I loved her" she says regretfully. I can only imagine my friends pain-one conversation that goes round and round in her head and keeps her in a perpetual state of "If Only."

Not now, but in time, and walking in forgiveness, my friend will come to understand that one conversation does not make a lifelong-loving relationship she had with her mom. That one conversation most likely was repeated a hundred times in their relationship-it just happened to be the last. That's a tough one. Life is unpredictable and the "if only's" are temporary places we visit and reflect but then move on and eventually we do.

The Misery of Thin Skin

I'm offended by the "easily offended." It doesn't take much to set the "thin skinned" off. They are a hypersensitive bunch. The "thin skinned" spend a lot of time seeking out things that offend them. And as usual they find it. A tremendous amount of emotional energy is squandered with these easily offended folks.

When I have a conversation with a "thin skin," I choose my words carefully so not to offend. I walk on egg shells. No one wants to hear the dreaded words "I'm offended." Misery follows the emotionally thin skinned. Who are they? They're our co workers-our neighbors and brothers and sisters in our churches. It seems the church is full of them.

I could spot a "thin skin" in church; they mask their offense with a fake "righteous indignation." They're easily offended, legalistic and quick to condemn. To me they are the "walking wounded" who have found the church as a place to nurture their bitterness. 
These poor souls need to walk in the forgiving light of God's grace and love. Author Frank Viola once commented that God's people are the most easily offended people on the planet.
http://frankviola.wordpress.com/2009/10/12/living-without-offense-rick-warren-is-supporting-our-twitter-conference-tomorrow/

Deep wounds mar the thin skinned. But there is hope-a different way to live-a path to take towards healing. This path replaces the old ways of thinking with a new way. It removes misery and replaces it with peace and removes judgmentalism and replaces it with humility. It is the path of Forgiveness.

The first step on the path is giving the hurt over to God, daily and asking him to show you the way of forgiveness. The next step is to identify where the hurts come from. For some it is a Profound Insecurity which may lead you to believe you are unlovable, inadequate or worthless. Confront this lie.

Or maybe the wound is resentment which forgiveness can remove. The other wound can be a lack of trust in people. Find your wound, confess the sin and walk along the path of God's healing love. There is healing from the misery of Thin Skin. As a follower of Christ I need to "bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances I may have against another. I need to "Forgive as the Lord forgave me." Colossians 3:13.
Be free form the misery of Thin Skin.


 

 

Your True Motive

A good poker player can call a bluff, by observing the other players "mannerisms." The give-away behavior is called a Tell. Some players are good at hiding their hand-that's why you see the goofy sunglasses. In the world of poker, deception is the rule.

But In the world of relationships, deception is bad. No one likes a phony. I want to be genuine in my relationships and expose what my true motives are. A motive is my "desire to act on something." It's the "why" behind my actions. Like poker players, we also have "tells" that give away our true motives.

One day I walk into "Big Jims" auto mall and Big Jim is ecstatic to see me. He can't contain himself. He tells me where the free coffee is and "that I better grab a fresh blueberry muffin before the finance staff eats them." Big Jim is blowing smoke and I spot his tell. He has no concern for my nutritional needs-he wants to sale me a car. He hides his true motives in the blueberry muffins.

It's so refreshing for a person to say what they mean and mean what they say. I want to have a genuine conversation with someone and communicate my true motives. It frees me from phoniness. I'm keeping it real. But If I try to hide my true motives, I will develop a "tell" which will be certain behaviors that give away my deception. People can spot the "tell" of an imposter.

When my motives match my actions, I am genuine in my relationships and true to myself. In poker I will hide my motives-in life I will show you my hand.

The Easter Question

Jesus rose from the dead or he didn't. Jesus was, who he claimed to be, or he wasn't. His death and resurrection was staged or it's the real thing. "Easter" forces these propositions to the surface. He was either the "Criss Angel" of his time, or the "Christ" of eternity. Jesus put this proposition to his followers one day by asking them a simple question. And the question he asked, and the answer he received, are still being "asked and answered" today.

We find this question and answer in Matthew 16:13-17 (and I paraphrase). While hanging out in Caesarea Philippi, Jesus asked his disciples, 'Who do people say that the Son of Man is?' Because they were speaking for others, they easily shouted out the answers: 'Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah, and others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.' Then Jesus made it personal, by asking 'But who do you say that I am?' You see, it's easy for me to speak for others but when forced to look at my own beliefs, I open up a window to my soul and I don't want to be exposed. Because It's within our soul that we either believe or we don't. But Peter exposed his soul and revealed the answer to Jesus' personal query: "Simon Peter replied, 'You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.' And Jesus answered him, 'Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in heaven'"

On Easter, this question is asked and I have two ways I can go with it: Either Jesus Christ rose from the dead and is the Christ, the Son of the living God or He didn't and was a fraud. I answered Jesus' question when I was 19 years old. But The question is still out there for anyone to answer: 

Who do you say that I am?


Happy Resurrection day...

Finding Common Sense in a World of Non Sense

Over the past few years, I have observed public discourse over important things devolving into a collective "emotional temper tantrum." And I wonder if we have lost the ability to think things through. We don't think-we emote. We "lash out" with such a natural ease, it's breathtaking. And we do so without consideration of the consequences.

One could observe that we've become a "self absorbed, hyper-sensitive and hysterical people." Like volcanoes, spewing forth our "grievances" with no constraints. Have we become too precious, that we can't handle an insult or a passionate argument without filing a lawsuit?

We need a healthy dose of common sense to pull us back from the emotional brink of non sense. Common sense is "sound judgment not polluted by theory" or simply put, it is "understanding the obvious." The two characteristics that define common sense are level headedness and practicality.

My friend Mark has common sense and he is very passionate about things. But his strong opinions don't get in the away of his ability to think things through. Mark and I would have these long talks about Church and how things should be handled. Our conversations would be filled with emotion, but towards the end of our talk, we both took an honest look at the facts. This pulled us back to reality and we could consider what was practical-even if we disagreed.  

Mark would ask the question "Will this work?" And even though we had separate ideas, we both knew what was "obvious." Common sense forces me to face reality. My plan may be clever, but not practical. It may look great on paper, but won't work in real life.

Common sense is the balance between ideology and pragmatism-we need both. Debate and disagreement are healthy in a culture that accentuates common sense. Unfortunately we have lost this balance. I once heard someone say, "You have a right to your own opinions, but you don't have a right to your own facts." Today we are not speaking from the same basic set of facts-take "global warming" for example. If we cannot speak from the same objective reality we are speaking non-sense to one another.

We need to get back on the same page and have a common "reality." The pendulum has swung way over to the ideological side of things where there is a different reality and language to go with it. Common sense will correct this off balanced life. We may disagree about ideas but not about reality. Our differences will be invigorating and actually mean something. But until common sense is the mega-phone by which we speak to one another-it will all be non-sense.


 

 

 

 

Health Care Passed and Our Ability to Govern is Lost

Tonight, March 21, 2010 the Health Care bill passed 219 to 212 and with it "We the People" chose to be governed and no longer govern. The words of French Politician and Revolutionary Pierre Joseph Proudhon are lucid:


To be governed is to be watched, inspected, spied upon, directed, law-driven, numbered, regulated, enrolled, indoctrinated, preached at, controlled, checked, estimated, valued, censured, commanded, by creatures who have neither the right nor the wisdom nor the virtue to do so. To be governed is to be at every operation, at every transaction noted, registered, counted, taxed, stamped, measured, numbered, assessed, licensed, authorized, admonished, prevented, forbidden, reformed, corrected, punished. It is, under pretext of public utility, and in the name of the general interest, to be placed under contribution, drilled, fleeced, exploited, monopolized, extorted from, squeezed, hoaxed, robbed; then, at the slightest resistance, the first word of complaint, to be repressed, fined, vilified, harassed, hunted down, abused, clubbed, disarmed, bound, choked, imprisoned, judged, condemned, shot, deported, sacrificed, sold, betrayed; and to crown all, mocked, ridiculed, derided, outraged, dishonored. That is government; that is its justice; that is its morality.

Virtues: Good Habits to Form

Virtues are Habits of the Heart. They point me to the "good life" where genuine happiness is the ultimate end. We definitely need virtues to make a comeback today. As a young man, Benjamin Franklin picked 13 virtues he believed would help him mature and be responsible. He made a list and practiced these virtues daily.

The 13 virtues and his objectives were:

TEMPERANCE: Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation

SILENCE: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.

ORDER: Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.

RESOLUTION: Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.

FRUGALITY: Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.

INDUSTRY: Lose no time; be always employed in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.

SINCERITY: Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.

JUSTICE: Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.

MODERATION: Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.

CLEANLINESS: Tolerate no un-cleanliness in body, clothes, or habitation.

TRANQUILLITY: Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.

CHASTITY: Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation.

HUMILITY: Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

A few years ago I decided to pull a "Benjamin Franklin" and devise my own lists of virtues. The virtues I picked helped me with some troubling areas of my life that I needed balance. One area that needed balance was between "joking around" too much and being "sober minded." I needed to practice keeping quiet and so "Silence" and "Moderation" became a couple of the virtues I picked to practice.

Once a habit is formed, it becomes embedded in your character and then it pre-disposes you to act accordingly. Virtues, as habits, govern your "mind", your "will", and your "soul". This is why virtues are good habits to form.

So pull a "Benjamin Franklin" yourself: find a list of virtues and pick a few that you can practice daily. Give yourself 3 months practicing these few virtues and see how your life is different.

“Temperance” the Virtue of the Boomers

I Tweet! Nobody tweeted in my Dad's generation. It's even difficult to say "I Tweet". I'm a "Boomer." My boy's tell me I'm cool because "I don't try to act cool or "phat" or "sick" or whatever the hip young lingo is today-whatev!

Truth is, I'm ok being a youthful 50 year old guy, who doesn't take himself too seriously-life's too short for all this naval gazing. But you will never see me wearing "Docker" short pants that come just above the knee, a cheesy Hawaiian shirt and a fanny pack. Nor will I wear a T shirt that say's "I Dated Your Girlfriend." (But I do wear a sweatshirt that say's "Old Guy's Rule" just to remind the kids I'm not dead yet.)

50 is a key age. My friend Jennifer say's we're not "ratcheting it up" we are "ratcheting it down" in regards to our career goals. My friend Perry said "turning 50 is like sitting on a mountain peak, where you could look in the distance 30 years and see 80. Then turn and look 30 years behind you and see 20". 50 is the equi-center-my task is to find a balance between feeling like a 25 year old and not acting like one-enter the Virtue of Temperance.

Temperance is a cool virtue for a 50 year old guy like me. Temperance keeps me balanced between being creepy and being cool-it forces me to use "reason" before acting on my impulses. As blogger Doug Mc Manaman say's "It brings order to the emotions of love, hate, sensible satisfaction, desire, aversion and sorrow as they bear upon a pleasant good." http://www.catholiceducation.org/articles/education/ed0281.html

So I will tweet with temperance and try to put my thoughts in 140 characters-yikes.

2 Way’s 2 Stop “Seeking the Approval” of Others

On a regular basis I stand in front of people-say something-and then get judged. And what's crazy is that I do this for a living. I train Social Workers and they're a tough crowd. It's brutal, especially if you seek the approval of others. I've been dogged by this affliction and have learned over time to be comfortable in my own "thick" skin.. Here are two way's to stop seeking a persons approval and enjoy them:

Separate the person from the approval. All of us have a desire to be accepted by others-we ask ourselves "will I fit in?" If I believe my approval is found in others, then I'll spend the better part of my life seeking it out. I go from person to person-group to group trying to prove my worth. My worth is not contingent upon your approval and it's unfair for me you to saddle you with that burden.

If I don't separate the "approval" from "you," I'll get stuck in an endless cycle of rejection which becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. This cycle starts with the belief that "people will reject me." When I sense rejection-like in body language-I ratchet up the need for approval which then turns the person off and they reject me.

Accept imperfection in yourself and in others. If I no longer link my worth to your approval, I enjoy your company and can relax around you and you around me. The more I accept myself-even the unacceptable stuff-the more I accept you and no longer feel a need for your approval.

Life is too short to spend all that emotional energy in searching after something that is unobtainable-Approval from Others. Stop the search-accept yourself and enjoy others.

Budgets, Programs and the Gospel-oh my

If

A nice lady, at a table next to me, wanted to share my outlet for her lap top. As she was "plugging in", her cell phone rang. I soon realized that she was pouring out her heart to a fellow church attendee about the mismanagement of her Church and its incompetent Pastor. A conversation I was well accustomed too-unfortunately.

"The Pastor has no 'business plan' for the Church" the lady said. She then exclaimed "the people with the power, who run the church, will not tithe if their agenda is not met." This is, sad to say, a common attitude of the disgruntled and misguided Christian. The lady next to me was hurt because of this "political power" struggle in her beloved Church. At one time or another, all of us, who are involved in Church, have experienced this "ugly side" of the Christian community.

These "power struggles" are not new and illustrate the corruptive power of "the love of money" as Paul say's in I Timothy 6:10: "For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs."(NIV)

Using tithes as a "protest" is sin, plain and simple, so the lady next me was right to be upset. But this attitude is also reflective of a "consumer" mindset that has permeated the Church-the Body of Christ. (I wrote about this also in my post: "CEO" Pastor: http://thepirateway-bob.blogspot.com/2009/05/ceo-pastor.html)

In the Organizational Church (OC) the paid Pastoral staff put together a "religious service" and delivers it weekly. Most believers are blessed by the ministry, but in this "religious event" there is an expectation, that lingers just below the conscious level, that the "service" meet the needs of the parishioner, since the people putting it on are paid professionals.

It is from this un-biblical expectation we experience "attitudes" like this lady was discussing with her friend. How many times have you heard people say "the worship was too loud" or "the sermon was long"-as if the worship or the sermons are products? This "consumer" mindset put's the focus on programs and the paid professionals. It takes the focus off the simplicity of the Gospel where the ethic of love rules.

The Organizational Church must fight this "consumer" mindset. The Church-in all its forms-is first and foremost the body of Christ and we are witnesses to His Gospel. I no longer attend the organizational church. I lead a simple church-a house church. I'm not foolish to believe the HC is superior to the OC. Those of us in House Churches must fight a prideful attitude that this is the "true way" to do church. But all of us-OC or HC-who are under the headship of Christ must be diligent to live a kingdom life of love and not a consumer life of mammon.


 

 

 

7 Value Statements

I get annoying e mails from time to time-you know the ones that say "Send this to 10 of your friends in the next 15 minutes or your cubicle will explode." Every once in a while I get a gem. So here is a cool "Code of Behavior" e mail I want to share with you. Please forward this on to 10 of your friends or you'll rip your pants in a Wal-Mart Clearance aisle…

                     Code of Behavior

1. Be Impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say what you mean.
   
2. Don't take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you-it's a projection of their own reality.
   
3. Don't make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.
   
4. Always do your best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment.
   
5. Whoever comes are the right people.
   
6. Whatever happens is the only thing that could have.
   
7. When it's over it's over.

A Million Miles in A Thousand Years: A Book Review

I'm a big fan of Donald Miller http://donmilleris.com/ . (I'll refer to Donald Miller as DM for brevity and becuase I'm lazy)

I've read all of his books. So it was just a matter of time and a Borders gift card that I would get his latest book: "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years." The book highlights a time in DM's life when two filmmakers sat down with him to write his story based on the book "Blue like Jazz". One problem, DM's life was pretty boring-or so he thought. And so he began the hard work of editing it.

My life is a story mostly lived on the unconscious level where meaning and purpose are sacrificed for comfort and safety. DM's life was not boring-just the opposite-he was not willing to push himself into a better story. 
In the book DM walks into his bedroom and he realized there were no pictures on the mantle-no real tangible evidence of living a real story. His home was more like a stage with props in which he was living a fake story instead of a real human narrative.

"Editing" my life is hard work because it demands that I dig deep-take risks and challenge the status quo. Conscious stories are not formed in the safety of the familiar. Meaning is found in a good story-a conscious story. 
What are the elements of a good story and how can I edit my life to create a good story? DM uses his experience to answer these questions.

Elements of a meaningful life: "A story is a character that wants something and overcomes conflict to get it" this is the essence of a good story.

A Character is what he does: It is a person's actions that point to their humanity. We see what a person "is" when they make choices under pressure.

Inciting Incident: DM's reason why he has no clear ambition is because, once he stands up and points to the horizon, he realizes how much he has to lose. For DM it was meeting his father who abandoned him, and his mother when he was a child. It was fear that kept him from pursuing this desire-fear that his dad would reject him-again. DM does meet his dad and brings on the inciting incident which pulls this part of the story to the conscious level. His father asks Don for forgiveness and Don accepts and for the first time he sees his dad in a new light.

The reason God doesn't fix you yet: DM reminds us that the fantastical climaxes in movies and books do not happen in real life. We do reach goals and have success-to be sure, but after that achievement the story doesn't end-the hard work begins. Some Christians also give the false impression-on the unconscious level mostly-that Jesus will take care of your problems. This is not true and definitely not biblical-Jesus gives us hope and invites us into His suffering. Our story includes walking in hope in the midst of pain. There is no utopia.

Manmade or Jesus made-there is no utopia this side of heaven. No act of man is going to make things on earth perfect-an enormous amount of damage is created by the myth of utopia. It creates unreal expectations.

Individuals are not the only ones with stories-our culture has a narrative also: In the book DM attends a writer's conference by legendary screenwriter Robert McKee to find out what makes a good story. McKee defines "an interesting story is one that highlights archetypes as opposed to stereotypes." Archetypes are universal human traits and stereotypes are traits limited exclusively to a group. 
I find this true in a "cultural story" or narrative. For example in our culture today there is a strong push to identify with your "group" and in doing so we nurture stereotypes-note our incessant need to hyphenate our "group" with being an American.

We live in a world where bad stories teach us that life has no meaning and that humanity has no great purpose. But we can edit our lives and create better stories.


 

 

The Book of Eli-a Movie Review

**Warning: Spoiler Alert**

I saw the movie "The Book of Eli". We got to the theater at 2:30 and realized it had just started, so we went in not to miss anything. But I did miss out on the popcorn and large diet coke I usually get before a movie. Oh well. 
The movie is shot in what I would call "end of the world" colors like grays and sepia. And the feel is one of desolation. I got this eerie feeling of lostness.

One man by the name of Eli (Denzel Washington) was in possession of the Bible-the only remaining copy. The movie was a mix between "Mad Max" and "Lord of the Rings". Eli needed to go west and deliver this prized book to a place where it would be valued and re printed for future generations. 
During his travels he encountered bands of people all surviving for themselves. The world was a place of anarchy and all civilized restraint was removed- humanity and water were rare and both were held captive by evil men.

But there was a deep longing for the book Eli had. One guy who wanted it was a man named Carnegie (Gary Oldman ). But he wanted the book to control people. Carnegie and Eli had one thing in common, they both knew the power of the words in the book and how it can transform a person. 
It's hard to imagine, not having access to a bible. I mean I could swing a dead cat in any direction and hit a Bible or someone who owns one.

The movie had conflicts that symbolized some spiritual lessons:

• Eli knew the bible can set people free-Carnegie knew the bible could control people. One used it for good and the other used it for bad.
  
• Eli was physically blind but spiritually he could see. Carnegie could physically see but was spiritually blind.
  

The Pharisees were the "spiritually blind" in Jesus day. They used the bible to condemn people and control them. This "condemning" spirit lives in our churches today. We call it legalism. A "legalist" is an angry person who has a knee jerk response to condemn people-and in doing so they condemn themselves. 
Carnegie eventually get's the bible from Eli but finds out he can't read it. Since Eli was blind the copy Eli had was in Braille. The word was in Carnegie's hands but not his heart.

During the movie we meet a young woman named Solera (Mila Kunis). She is taught by Eli the value of the word and its power to use for good. At the end of the journey, Eli recites the entire bible by memory to a Scribe so that the words are forever kept. But Solera takes the "Book" and returns to the world where she came from, but with the power to set people free.

Pirateway's TOP 10 Bassists

I listed my top 20 guitarists a while ago (see my notes) now I would like to honor those who bring the bottom: the underrated but VIP bassists: here's my top ten:

1. John Paul Jones/Led Zep

2. Flea/RHCP

3. Jack Bruce/Cream

4. Les Claypool/Primus

5. Tim Commerford/RATM-Audioslave

6. Cliff Burton/Metallica

7. John Persh/Rare Earth

8. Robert Trujillo

9. John Entwistle/Who

10 Geddy Lee/Rush

Up and coming: Josh Abair/Sky Beneath Diary...

Pirateway's TOP 10 Drummers

1.Neil Peart
2.John Bonham
3. Carmen Appice
4. Lars Ulrich
5. Ginger Baker
6. Buddy Rich
7. Mitch Mitchell
8. Charlie Watts
9. Peter Rivera
10. Phil Collins (Hon. Mention)

Pirateway's TOP 35 Male Rock Vocalists

OK, this was the hardest list to compile because vocal talent is in the ear of the beholder. So I started  with a loose criteria of influence, uniqueness and variety. I went back to the 60's rock scene and covered contemporary genres. Take a look and see if your fav is on the list if not tell me who you would've added.

1. Paul Rodgers
2. Robert Plant
3. Chris Cornell
4. Steven Tyler
5. Freddie Mercury
6. Geddy Lee
7. Steve Perry
8. Ronnie James Dio
9. Don Henley
10. Michael Sweet
11. James Hetfield
12. Rob Zombie
13. Bon Scott
14. Bruce Dickinson
15. Ozzy Osbourne
16. Axl Rose
17. Jonathan Davis
18. Roger Daltrey
19. David Lee Roth
20. Kurt Cobain
21. Rod Stewart
22. Eddie Vedder
23. Sebastian Bach
24. Philip Anselmo
25. Zack De La Rocha
26. Ray Davies
27. Scott Stapp
28. Jon Mica Sumrall
29. Layne Staley
30. Claudio Sanchez

***Revised addition: adding 5 to the list above-these vocalists could be added from #13 on down:
1. Greg X Volz
2. Geoff Tate
3. Bono
4. Bob Seger
5. Dale Thompson

10 Words you will NOT find on a Tattoo

Words , phrases and verses that portray strength, love and hope are common for Tattoo's. Chinese symbols just look cool, no matter what the words mean. But here are 10 words that you will never see on a Tat:

1. Fussy
2. Irritable
3. OMG
4. Anxious
5. Nincompoop
6. Snazzy
7. Viagra
8. Meanie
9. Math Wiz
10. Ringworm

What If

Imagine a world of possibilities and the freedom to pursue them. Ask yourself "What if" then begin to fill in the blanks. Dream, hope and move forward.

Here are some of mine:

• What if I could put aside my agenda and understand what you're really saying?
  

• What if I could love the unlovable?
  

• What If I could see life thorough my son's eyes?
  

• What if I lowered my expectations and appreciated what came my way?
  

• What if I could tell you "I love you" without saying words?
  

• What if Jesus spoke to you right now what would he tell you?
  

Every day I want to ask myself one "what if" and then begin the quest to answer the question. These are mine what are some of yours?

“Long Live the Dream” The New “Post Racial” Storytellers

"I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal." Martin Luther King Jr. August 28^th 1963

On August 28^th 1963, Rev Martin Luther King Jr. told us he had a dream-a dream that transcended race: http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/mlkihaveadream.htm. Today I wonder what happened to the dream. Dr King's words were borne out of the bloodshed of a moral revolution where laws were changed and people marched in the streets to bring justice to black Americans.

These early foot soldiers were tearing up the "old racist" narrative of white privilege and power and they were writing a new story in which ones skin color would no longer be the measuring rod of a person's worth. The "story tellers" were of all colors and shared a common objective that justice is colorblind.

But then something happened-the children of the foot soldiers, the baby boomers-of which I am a part-found that "skin color" brought power, prestige and tenure in the University. And we began writing a new narrative with old racial stereotypes-in which a person is identified by their pigment. People began hyphenating themselves-They'd say "I'm a (insert ethnicity here)-American; groups formed around skin color, Universities had Ethnic Studies.

I once let slip the word "colorblind" around some boomers and it was as if I dropped the "F" bomb. The dream that was fought in bloodshed was being re-written. And we were becoming a polarized people.

Narratives are powerful things-they're windows into the soul of a culture. Narratives are protected by the one telling the story. The "storyteller" wants to keep the narrative alive because to lose the story is to lose power and purpose. But narratives do change over time and over the horizon is a new group of storytellers who are writing a new narrative-one that is "colorblind"-a post racial narrative- a narrative that will bring Dr King's dream closer to reality. Who are these new storytellers?

The new storytellers are the Gen X'rs (28yrs to 47yrs) and the Millennials' (18yrs to 27yrs). A major study was done on the Millennials who are the most racially and ethnically diverse generation to enter our American life.

The Millennial Project http://mass.arizona.edu/millennial/aboutstudy.html is a 4-year mix method longitudinal study launched in the fall of 2005 and followed the class of 2009, assessing the students' perspectives on diversity and following their development. The results give us hope-that one day a person will be measured by the content of their character and not by the old racial stereotypes of skin color. The study tells us that the "Millennials" have the most demographically distinct characteristics and they bring with them new ways of thinking about diversity issues:

"This wave of youth embarking on the shores of academe has been protected from harm and exudes optimism about their future (Howe & Strauss, 2003). These students are rule followers and team players, driven by a need to achieve and pressure to perform (DeBard, 2004). They are arriving with new ideas, values and beliefs that for the most part are in contrast to the generation before them. One of these changing views is diversity. Diversity has expanded from a critical (race) perspective to a post-modern perspective whereby diversity includes not only race and ethnicity, but also factors of gender, sexual orientation, ability, college generation status, age, religious affiliation, political affiliation and socioeconomic status. This inclusive, social justice view of diversity, projected through pre-college experiences and defined by the media has shaped Millennials' attitudes and behaviors toward broader elements of diversity. Race and ethnicity are no longer the central tenets of diversity".

The researchers point out that "Diversity has become so inclusive that it is diffuse, almost diluted back to a melting pot of mankind (Schlesinger, 1999). Students assessed as having a postmodern perspective have a broad definition of diversity and value harmony" and the Millennials
have "Meritocratic values that focus on achievement rather than on issues such as race or gender".

The study also recognized that the old narrative that focuses solely on race was insidious: "the social construction of race is insidious in today's social actions and therefore, race should not be relegated to the margins as several legal contentions have successfully or unsuccessfully argued (e.g. Grutter v. Bollinger and Gratz v. Bollinger)"

So, if the narrative is formed by the one telling the story-we are in hope of one day seeing Martin Luther King's dream come to fruition. Dr King unfortunately was taken from us too early but his dream lives on.

I have a dream today!

WWJD about Haiti

Pat Robertson has a wonderful organization called "Operation Blessing" http://www.ob.org/haitiprojects/index.asp OB is doing God's work in Haiti. Too bad we missed that point with an odd and irresponsible remark by Pat see link: http://www.politico.com/blogs/bensmith/0110/Robertson_Haiti_cursed_since_Satanic_pact.html

My advice to Pat would've been-give out the 800 # for Operation Blessing-ask people to pray-invite folks to give and then go to commercial break. The "pact with the devil" story was out of place and irrelevant. And it doesn't help with a media, who is more than willing to jump on this remark and paint all believers in a bad light.

Look, Pat Robertson is a good man and has blessed millions with the "700 club". I'm irritated with Pat because he's a brother and people do listen to what he says. But in the last few years it seems he has this need to link tragedies with God's punishment. This is not the heart of God. Yes God is a just God and there are biblical teachings that talk about "generational sins" and the "blessings and curses" of nations. What happened in Haiti is not God's retribution. When God makes His presence known in human history there will be no doubt. What happened in Haiti was a devastating earthquake that hit an impoverished nation-nothing more-nothing less.

When human tragedy strikes, God's heart breaks. And compassion isn't just a characteristic of Christians-as if Christians are more compassionate than non Christians. I don't know his faith but George Clooney put his money where his mouth is to help the people of Haiti. God bless his efforts.

Compassion is a universal characteristic shared by all. But before the earthquake that got the world's attention, Christian's were quietly doing God's work in Haiti-feeding the poor, caring for the sick and finding homes for the orphans. What Would Jesus Do? The answer is seen in his followers who answered the call to one of the most impoverished places on earth to love their neighbor. This is what Jesus would do. This is what his followers are doing and will do long after this crisis.

So we could talk about scriptural laws that may or may not point to God's judgement on a nation but for now and until Jesus comes the only law that animates the believer is the law of Love-as expressed in "Love your neighbor"- and those that are suffering in Haiti are my neighbors.

Is Your New Year’s Resolution SMART?

A friend of mine once said "Making a New Year's resolution is like shooting at a target a mile away-It's out of reach and out of sight." Good point and for most of us our New Year's resolutions never hit the target. But I take a different approach to resolutions, for me it's making a smart one. A smart resolution needs to be: 


Specific-Measurable- Attainable- Realistic and Time limited.

So before I go out and purchase the Elliptical machine, I need make sure my goal is specific and not too broad-can it be measured? Can I attain it this year? And is it realistic? For example
I'm short and
growing three inches is not realistic for me. If my goal is not SMART, the Elliptical machine I buy will turn out to be another coat hanger along with the Stair Stepper and the Bow Flex. BTW if you need a nice Bow Flex, I'm posting it on Craig's list.

The other night my wife and I were eating at a fine dining establishment with some friends. As I was putting the finishing touches on the garlic mashed potatoes, I made the grand pronouncement: "I'm going to lose weight this year. The words just hung in the air among the laughter. Obviously it wasn't a smart goal. But if I applied my SMART rule, my goal would look like this:

Specific: It is my goal to lose 15 to 20 pounds this year. I will accomplish this by counting calories and working out at the gym 3 to 4 times a week.

Measurable: I will track my progress by weighing myself on the scale and also note subtle changes like being able to tie my shoes without losing my breath.

Attainable: Losing 15 to 20 pounds is attainable in one year. There is a goofy saying "inch by inch is a cinch-but yard by yard is hard." So if I plan to lose the 15 pounds in one year, I can do it.

Realistic: I may not be able to have a full set of hair or grow 3 inches or become an astronaut but I can lose the weight, that's realistic.

Time limited: I'm giving myself one year to lose 15 to 20 pounds. I also can break this down to smaller increments like 5 pounds a month or whatever time frame is doable for me.

Now let's put it all together: It is my resolution to lose 15 pounds by December 31, 2010. I will accomplish this by working out 4 days a week at the gym; count my caloric intake and decrease the amount of junk food. I will follow my progress by weighing myself and note subtle changes such as being able to tie my shoe without heavy breathing. I can achieve this goal if I follow the plan I have set for myself.

Now that is a SMART goal and next New Year I will write a post being 15 to 20 pounds lighter. Happy New Year.