Sunday, May 27, 2012

You don’t listen to me!


In an age of tweets and twitter, the ability to listen; I mean to really listen, has taken a hit. There are a thousand and one ways to get our message out, and yet we long for that simple person to person connection. 

On any given Sunday, in churches all across the Inland Empire, the pews are filled with lonely people, longing for community.

Influential psychologist and author Rollo May that “communication leads to community which then leads to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing.”

We cannot, nor should we, put the technological genie back in the bottle. However, our challenge today, especially as believers, is to nurture community; making connections and re-learning the basic skills of communicating with one another.

Communication involves a lot more than the spoken word. In our world of talking points and diatribes, we are not deficient in getting our point across. It’s the ‘listening’ part we need to prop up.  

And a good place to start is with the 5th habit of Stephen Coveys ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ which is "Seek first to understand then be understood."

Listening involves understanding what the other person is saying. Our natural inclination is to be understood first-then, if there is time, to understand the other person.

By switching it around and Understanding first, we open up a deeper and more meaningful conversation. At first this approach feels unnatural, but through practice, you cultivate a skill called ‘empathic listening’ or as Carl Rogers would say "to listen unconditionally with empathy.”

It's not just the words you listen to, but the meaning behind the words. When a person listens with empathy, they begin to understand life as the other person sees it; to walk in the others shoes.

We all desire connections with others and to be understood, so give someone the gift of "understanding" in your next conversation. And begin the path of building community.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Voices of the family from 'Shoe Creek'


About thirty five miles south of Charlottesville Virginia, you come upon the small mountain town of Lovingston Va; nestled in the heart of the "Blue Ridge" Mountains.

Parade down Main Street Lovingston Va.




Heading west out of Lovingston, along Crabtree Falls Hwy, up into the Blue Ridge mountains, you'll come across Perkins Mill Rd. Take a right, and drive till the pavement ends. 

At the end of the road you'll discover a popular off road spot called 'Shoe Creek Trail' and you will need a four wheel drive to traverse the rocky terrain.
"Shoe Creek Trail Head"

But if you travel further along the trail and back in time; over several decades, this 'off road' trail was home to my mom and her family. 

'Shoe Creek' trail was the path that mom's family would go back and forth, to visit other relatives. Several of her cousins and their  families lived on the mountain. 
Or they would go down to Lovingston for supplies, and then head back up the trail to Shoe Creek.

Mom's oldest brother Bill says "our transportation was when our Uncle Rufus would lend us his old horse. He was the only one up there who had cars; a Model A Ford and a special built Dodge touring car made to haul his Moonshine whiskey to Lynchburg Va, which he sold for twenty five cents a pint." 

"Sometimes we would go with Uncle Rufus to the grocery store which was 8 miles away and the post office was 12 miles away. And then walk back carrying our groceries in a hemp sack on our back" says Uncle Bill.
 
The Homestead, Shoe Creek Va.
Living up in the hallows and narrow mountain roads, made Mountain families a hearty bunch.

To get the the house Bill says "you must navigate across the same creek 7 times, no bridges or anything except rocks to get to our place. We didn't mind wading thru the creeks as we were always barefooted." 

Then at the end of the trail we would be home." 

Mom's family had very little in the way of material things, but they had each other. 

As my Uncle Bill says "we never had but a pair of shoes until about November and if they would last that long, it would be Christmas time before we got any. But we didn't mind .We didn't know any better."

If you happen to go to Shoe Creek today, pull the Jeep over to the side, kill the engine and listen. You will hear the running water from Crabtree Falls and the wind blowing through the hickory oaks.

But close your eyes and really listen. You will hear voices from the past; the voices of children laughing as they walk along the creek bed; voices of mothers calling out to their kids to come home for supper.

These are the voices from the Mountain Family who lived along the Shoe Creek Trail.

But all of us have 'voices from the past' that whisper in our memories and in the stories our families tell.

These voices tell us who we are and where we come from.

Every once in a while it's nice to go back and listen.












Monday, May 7, 2012

Faith and the ‘Man of God’


“Sometimes I'm a liar sometimes I'm a fake
Sometimes I'm a hypocrite that everybody hates
Sometimes I'm a poet sometimes I'm a preacher
Sometimes I watch life go by sitting on the bleacher” ~ Audio Adrenaline “Man Of God”

My friend once asked me "what would a man of God act like?" I told her “a man of God is no different than a man of the world, with the only exception that the man of God has been redeemed by a Holy God.”

I am both a man of this world and a man of God. And in this tension, I live out my faith. I live in this world as a believer; I am not immune to the things of this world which sometimes pulls me in its direction.    

My answer to my friend could also be seen in the song 'Man of God' by Audio Adrenalin:  Sometimes I’m a man of God and sometimes I’m a fake. 

Sometimes I snap at my kids or become impatient with wife. The person who I show in public is not always the same person in private. Sometimes I mess things up. And sometimes I get it right.

The moment I understand that life is pretty much indifferent to my needs, and I alone am responsible to make my path, it’s only then will I find true happiness. And it is where God meets me in faith.  

‘Perfection is the enemy of the good’ so they say. The more I try to be perfect, the more miserable I am. It’s the law of diminishing returns.

I’m a big fan of reality. Reality has a way of tempering my illusions of who I think I am. And this is where God reveals himself to me. I stand before him, and the’ phoniness’ that culminates in my life melts away.

When the illusions crumble, and all the worldly knowledge fails to answer the big questions, it is here that God finds me and my faith is animated.   

Faith is found in the everyday humdrum of living, and not is some sanitized cathedral; faith is found in the muscle aches that come with age, the loss of being ‘cool’ with the younger generation, the pain of losing someone I love, the heartbreaks, the worries and joy’s, all serve as the reference point.

I leave this topic with the chorus of Audio Adrenalins’ Man of God:

“Sometimes I don't feel good
It's hard to start the day
It's hard to climb the obstacles
That sometimes come my way
If I make it, I'm a good man
Am I a bad man if I fail?
I know I'm never good enough
so I let grace prevail”

Saturday, May 5, 2012

The ‘Congressman’ has no clothes


The modern politician speaks in empty platitudes and hollow slogans; fancy words that have no relevance to the daily life of Americans they represent.

But strip away the layers of the pompous ‘poli-speak,’ and you will find the congressman has no clothes; they speak in these abstract talking points that are regurgitated to them by handlers and consultants.

Politicians are politically correct ‘empty suits.’  There is no ‘humanity’ in political correctness, which is the mother of all this empty-talk.

Maybe this is why there is a visceral contempt for our elected officials. It’s no surprise that congress receives a 76% disapproval rate. The hallowed chamber has become a hollow chamber.     

American Novelist Walker Percy said “politics is disappointing. Most young people turn their backs on politics, not because of the lack of excitement of politics as it is practiced, but because of the shallowness, venality, and image-making as these are perceived through the media.”

Politicians have become larger than life celebrities. And it’s our fault; we have put them on pedestals. In the long run, idolization leads to cynicism and cynicism lead to callousness.

And this callousness is illustrated in our public discourse. We no longer can have a conversation among one another without it becoming heated and demagogic.

We don’t even have a common language as a starting point. Instead we converse with others who see it our way,. We live in these tribal echo chambers, rarely stepping out to break bread with our fellow Americans.

The politician only reflects a culture that has become tribal, empty and isolated.  The politician may have no clothes, but neither do we. And until we clothe ourselves in a genuine humanity, we will be cut off from community.  

In a hundred years, all this stuff won’t matter.  ‘All things fade,’ as they say.

I wonder what future generations will say of us. We will not be measured in our fancy and empty words, Instead we will be measured by how we treat those who we disagree with.

We are either enemies in isolation or Americans with diverse points of view in community.  Let us be clothed in a common human bond.  

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