Saturday, March 19, 2011

Conversations with Howard, Joe and Harry

Howard loves to talk. He will strike up a conversation with anyone at the bagel place I frequent. Howard is a regular, like me. 

Many people respond to Howard's intrusiveness because it's the polite thing to do. But I also notice that some people want to find the nearest exit.

I have heard his story many times: He is a 75 year old cancer survivor and widower. He lost his wife to cancer several years ago and now lives on a very limited income. He has a girlfriend name Luz, a 50 year old divorcee with 2 kids.

He went to UCLA were he obtained a BS in Business. He's in the vitamin and supplement industry-that's what he's pitching to me today. I tell him it's a multi-level marketing scheme and he bristles at the thought.

I must confess, I cringe when I see Howard walking over to my table because I know he's going to launch in into a 10 minute summary of the Suzette Sommers book he's reading.

Howard has no clue how he can suck the life out of a conversation-he continues unabated. Some may call him a conversation vampire. I like Howard and don't want to be rude but I don't know exactly how to find an exit strategy. 

During one of  Howard's rants, my mind traveled back to grad school and I began to think of two guy's I read about-Joe and Harry.

Joe Luft and Harry Ingham were two psychologist's who studied personal interactions and self awareness. They developed what is called the Johari (Joe-Harry) window-a four paned "window" that divides self awareness into four categories-Open (Arena)-Blind Spot-Hidden (Facade) and Unknown (The window is illustrated at the bottom).

The window reveals knowledge about ourselves that we are consciously aware of. And it reveals knowledge that others have about us. 

The four panes represent how aware the person is of their behavior, attitude, and interactions:

Open Pane: in this pane the person and others are consciously aware of their behavior, feelings and intentions. Conversation is marked by genuineness, empathy and mutuality. Kind of a nice give and take.

Blind Spot Pane: In this pane, the person is not aware of how he comes across. My friend Howard operates here. The Blind Spot pane is marked by a stiff, unnatural diatribe. The person may believe the exchange is going well without realizing that the other person is feeling put upon.

Hidden Pane: The person who engages others from this pane is aware of things about themselves but does not disclose it. This is appropriate when just meeting someone. Because if you blurt out your deep dark secrets too early-well that is TMI and will scare the other person off.

But the hidden pane can also be an unhealthy place to live. It's where we put on our masks. We hide our true intentions. A conversation in this pane manifests itself as pretentious, defensive and scripted. I don't want to expose my true self so therefore I pay a role. It's exhausting to engage others from this pane.

Unknown Pane: Information in this pane has not reached the conscious level. I may think that something is not clicking, but can't put my finger on it. Sometimes, while engaged in conversation, a thought may trigger an aha moment when information becomes conscious and I become aware.   

Th bottom line is when we are in a conversation we move in and out of these four panes. My goal is to spend most of the time in the open pane where I will have a deep and meaningful interactions.







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Sunday, March 6, 2011

Westboro Church's Gospel of "Hate"

Hatred can be subtle or "in your face." The vicious accusers of the Westboro Baptist Church (WBC) dispense the "in your face" type. But their hate is especially grievous, because it is expressed in the name of a holy and loving God.

Fred Phelps, the patriarchal leader and self designated pastor, along with his family and other lost souls, make up this cult-like clan, known as the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka Kansas.

This groups claim to infamy is they protest at the funeral of fallen soldiers, homosexuals and celebrities pronouncing God's wrath upon them.

In a twist of cosmic justice, not one Baptist convention or association claim this odd band of accusers. For all intents and purposes the followers of WBC are "going it alone." Alone in their corrupted gospel of hate. The followers of the WBC are preaching a false gospel which is the antithesis of the gospel of Jesus.

The Christian Gospel is "good news" and is animated by God's love for a fallen and broken people-sinners who are completely lost and live under the crushing weight of sin's condemnation. With no way out, God comes to our rescue, driven by His love for us, God shows us the way out.

John 3:16, tells us what this "good news" is: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son that whosoever shall believe in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." But that's not all, we read in the next verse (17) "For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world but to save the world through Him."

These two verses tell a story of a loving God who freely gave Himself, coming to us as in ther form of a man-Jesus-to be condemned and die on a cross in our place.

Jesus' death on the cross and resurrection provided for us a reprieve from God's wrath. Jesus became the "condemned one" in our place-He became our Savior.

Jesus broke the back of sin and for all those who believe, we are saved and no longer live under condemnation-this is the "good news," Jesus came to us not to condemn but to save.

These two verses also tell us that the Christian gospel is both grace-God gave his one and only Son and within that grace is a law-God so loved the world. This is the law of love, which is the believers imperative to "love one another" as God so loved the world. Love then is the driving force that animates the gospel of grace-not condemnation or hate. 

It's important to understand that the Christian gospel is both Grace and Law. Any other teaching where grace or law is left out, is a false gospel.
If a so called "gospel" is grace without law, it would be a "cheap grace"-worth nothing. As Dietrich Bonheoffer says "cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ."

On the other hand if a so called "gospel" is law without grace, it too is a gospel without the living, incarnate Jesus. It would be a cold, condemning gospel that crushes the soul and leads to death.

The "legalistic" moralizer in some of our churches today and Pharisee of the bible, held to this corrupted "gospel." And this is the gospel practiced by the followers of the Westboro Baptist Church.

A gospel without grace leads to hate and condemnation. And then the hate and condemnation become the driving force behind the "protests" of WBC's followers. Just look at the hurtful "protest signs" and ask your self, would Jesus be shouting and carrying signs with the protesters or comforting the grieving family? 

I am reminded of St Paul's warning against those who preach a false gospel:

"But even if we, or an angel from heaven, should preach to you a gospel contrary to what we have preached to you, he is to be accursed! As we have said before, so I say again now, if any man is preaching to you a gospel contrary to what you received, he is to be accursed!" Galatians 1:9

The Gospel of Jesus Christ is a Gospel of grace and love that leads to salvation and eternal life. It is not a Gospel of hate that leads to condemnation and death.

 
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