3 Steps to peace when worry intrudes into my life

Worry creeps upon me slowly. It starts out with a small disturbing thought.  Or I read about the death of some well know person and then I notice my mind becomes tuned in to my own health.

Then I become increasingly aware of my physical symptoms. And my mind begins to wonder “what was that pain? What if it wasn’t a muscle pull? And on and on it goes.   

Anxiety certainly can do a number on the mind. But anxiety is part and parcel of being alive. All of us have “ultimate concerns” that we confront daily; things like death, isolation, meaningless and freedom.

‘Worry’ however is anxiety gone ‘bad.’ This type of anxiety becomes unhealthy when it intrudes into our daily thoughts and life.  

Recently death has become a conscious reality with my dad’s terminal illness; every day he lives, is a blessing that we can be with him one more day. So I am confronted with this human condition of mortality.  

But if left unchecked, anxiety turns to worry and worry turns to despair; one definition of worry is "an incessant goading to the point of despair."

In my past confrontation with worry, it traveled along a predictable path towards a severe anxious state. But in the last several years, I have been able to pull out before despair took root.

Below are 3 steps that have helped me decrease ‘worry’ recently. Maybe these can help you also if worry interferes with your daily life:  

1. Contemplate: Pick a comforting phrase, one of my favorites is “this too shall pass” and contemplate on it throughout the day. Write it on a post-it note and put it somewhere you can see it.

Or find a passage of scripture when worry intrudes your mind. I look up the words of Jesus on the subject of worry such as: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.                Each day has enough trouble of its own."

2. Laugh: Worry cannot coexist with laughter. Find a funny movie or visit with people you enjoy being around and can laugh with. Loosen the grip of worry by enjoying a funny moment, and soon worry will dissipate.

3. Roll with it:  Instead of trying to fight off the troubling thought, roll with it. Allow it to come, identify what it is and then let it go. The thought doesn't hang around long enough for worry to get a foot hold. It comes-I acknowledge it and it goes.

Worry robs all of us from living-fully in the moment. It robs me of my ‘presence’ in relationships, like my dad, who needs me during this time.

In times of worry or in times of happiness, moment by moment, peace can be ours. Just ask and receive.

What change looks like; moving beyond the status quo

My friend was baffled as to why her 20 year old daughter was avoiding getting her driver’s license.

“When I was 15, I couldn’t wait to drive; I would beg my parents to take me to an empty parking lot, so I could practice” my friend said.

Since the dawn of time, we have grappled with the question as to when, why and how people come to change their behavior, and why it seems some people don’t.

In my view, a person will consider to change when they are ready, willing and able. To some this may sound cliché, but experts who have studied change, have found that these three characteristics are present when a person chooses to break-with the status quo.

To be ready means I perceive change as a ‘priority.’ To be willing means that I perceive change as ‘important’ and when I am able, I feel confident to change.

Psychoanalyst Rollo May say’s “Change takes place when a person perceives the change is relevant to achieving or preserving something important.”

Change expert James Prochaska and other colleagues, constructed a path by which change takes place. This path takes a person through a series of steps away from resistance toward a commitment (see below)   

                         

The Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change:

                         Precontemplation (Not Ready)

                         Contemplation (Getting Ready)

                         Preparation (Ready)           

                         Action        

                         Maintenance           

             

To be sure, no one goes through these steps smoothly, it’s more like three steps forward and two steps back. Change takes place in small steps.

Let’s say my friend’s daughter is in the precontemplation stage. At this stage, she is not ready to change and most likely will not do anything about getting her driver’s license (DL) within the next 6 months, so says Prochaska.

Now, let’s say she moves towards contemplation. It is at this point that she is considering the importance of driving and getting her license; she is ‘willing’ and will probably make some personal movement towards getting her DL within the next 6 months.

As my friend’s daughter considers the importance of getting the license, she sees it as a priority and will move to the preparation or ready stage. Most likely she will be going to the DMV within the month.

This may also be called the “tipping point.”  

By the time she reaches the action stage, she has already gone down to the DMV (within the last 6 months) and is moving forward by becoming familiar with driving full time.   

The maintenance stage is the point where the daughter has been driving with her license for more than 6 months and is strengthening her resolve to keep it going. She is beginning to feel confident (able) in her driving skills.

Change is all around us. It is fluid and invites us to jump on and move forward. But we will only get on board when we are ready, willing and able and not anytime sooner.