The Power of Forgiveness

Bitterness is "poison of the soul" which confines a person to a continual cycle of pain and misery. Bitterness robs me of joy. I've seen the face of bitterness-the empty eyes that point to an empty soul. Bitterness is the "slow burn" of resentment that has metastasized.

{Material from this post is drawn from the work of Lewis Smedes, Professor/Author; Fuller Theological Seminary and his great book on the topic "Forgive and Forget"}

Is there freedom from this misery? Yes there is through the act of Forgiving.

Forgiveness is "soul surgery" for the deepest of wounds. The "wounds" that need forgiveness are pervasive and invade my daily life-a life in which I become obsessed with the hurt-the hate and the incessant fantasy to strike back. This is the hurt that nurtures bitterness and it is the pain that turns to poison. The only antidote for the poison of bitterness is forgiveness. The red flag of a bitter heart is resentment.

Resentment is where I "play back" in my mind the incident and relive pain all over again-it becomes a continuous loop that goes like this: memory-hurt-hate-revenge. The actual incident is long gone but the memory is alive and continues to deliver its "kick in the gut". Resentment metastasizes into bitterness. Forgiveness stops the spread-removes the pain and set's us free.

Forgiveness doesn't get the person who hurt me "off the hook"-forgiveness get's me "off the hook"-the hook of bitterness. It's no wonder that Jesus tells us to forgive one another-He is the great surgeon of the soul- He knows that bitterness brings death and forgiveness brings life-forgiveness is cool water to a dry and parched soul. Forgiving is an act of the will-it is hard work but it is "soul work".

As I actively forgive, something inside me awakens as I am being released from the pain. At the same time it frees me from the urge to condemn and bring vengeance to the one who hurt me. While I am being released, the person who hurt me is being released simultaneously from my "mental" prison. When forgiveness has taken hold, a heavy weight is lifted from me-I have a new perspective of the past hurt-I may remember the incident but no longer feel the pain. The anger and rage towards the person slowly turns into pity or we have no more ill will towards them.

And although forgiveness is not dependent on reconciliation, it can begin the healing of a broken relationship-give it a new start. Forgiveness is redemptive. Don't be discouraged if it takes a while, forgiveness is a transformative journey towards a healthy soul. It comes with some scrapes along the way but it is worth it. One day you wake up and your joy has returned. Forgiveness is your freedom.

A Temper Tantrum at Target

We expect a two year old to have a temper-tantrum-sometimes we call this age the 'terrible twos'. But a two year old grows up and grows out of tantrums-right? Well, most do but some don't, and they become 22, 32 or 42 year old tantrums-not a pretty sight. My friend Tammy was the victim of a full blown-adult 'temper tantrum' at a Target store parking lot.

It started when an 'adult' lady (and I use that term loosely) pulled up behind my friend with her blinker on, which indicates she spotted the open parking space first. When Tammy saw the ladies blinker on, she gave her preference-which of course is the unspoken rule-no problem so far. Then Tammy saw a spot next to the lady open up, so she turned on her blinker, for that one.

Once Tammy hit the blinker-the lady hit the roof-she went from zero to ugly. It turned into a 'Jerry Springer incident'. The lady accelerated her tantrum from honking the horn-to swinging a purse-to spitting in Tammy's face. The entire freak show was witnessed by the ladies 12 year old daughter, who sat in the passenger seat, head down covering her face. The 12 year became the adult and apologized to Tammy for her mother's behavior. It's too bad the 12 year old wasn't the one driving and her mom in a child "car seat". Why are we observing so many Adult temper tantrums lately?

I don't believe we are worse off now than any other time in history-but let's face it-civility is taking a hit-adults are near the boiling point which sometimes spills over. Recently a Congressman, a Hip Hop star and Tennis pro were unable to keep it together and they hit the ugly button. There may be many causes, but it all boils down to self control-the ability to govern our emotions.

There are two competing urges we fight daily, one is an infantile need "to be taken care of" and the other is a desire to be 'responsible for ourselves'-the first one makes no demands-the latter one demands responsibility. The first one breeds entitlement-the latter one breed's autonomy. If we don't govern ourselves-we will be governed. The lady at Target chose to be governed by her emotions.