The Power of Self Awareness

I caught a glimpse of my reflection in a store window and…WHOA. I was troubled by what I saw-my walk, my weight and my poor fashion choice. Who I thought I was and who I was, didn't match. Something went wrong in the reflection. I experienced a moment of self awareness and didn't like it-but I needed it.

Of course, a reflection only shows the outside and cannot show what's inside. But truth be told, I form a picture of myself on the inside based on my values and the standards of what I think a man my age should be like-I compare myself to others.

The perception is shallow and could be flawed. But if I look deeper into myself, I see what forms my character-the person I really am. Moments of self awareness do not change me from the outside-although a different shirt would have helped. Self awareness examines the deep parts of my character and that is where change and maturity happen.

Self awareness separates "myself" from my "perceived self" and I take an objective look at who I really am. I examine my motives, values and standards that I use to compare myself to others. I soon find out that either my values were out of sync or my perception of me was.

A conflict occurs when the two do not match. That moment I saw the reflection, I knew something was out of sync and self awareness brought me back in sync with my values. Practicing self awareness aligns your perceptions with your values.

I could spend a lot of time wondering how others see me but what is most important and where I begin is "how I see me." My reputation is how others see me but my character defines the real me. When reputation and character come together they form the genuine self. And Self awareness brings me closer to my character.

Abraham Lincoln once said: "Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing." Self awareness follows the shadow to the tree.

Slinging the Slurs

In every age the vilest specimens of human nature are to be found among demagogues ~ Thomas Babington Macaulay (1800-1859)

Whether it's the "Ground Zero" Mosque, or the Arizona Law or Gay Marriage, I've got to tip my hat to the demagogues-they sure know how to sling the slurs. I step back and admire the breathtaking speed by which a "smear" is flung with reckless abandon. Demagogues have no sense of humor-they really need to lighten up.

Demagogues wish to "shut you up" if you dissent from their narrative. Demagoguery silences the "opposing voices" by intimidating them with smears and lies. Political Correctness is an insidious form of demagoguery in the guise of "speech codes."

The current "soupe de jour" of smears can be found in Columnist, Dennis Prager's acronym: SIX HIRB-"Sexist, Intolerant, Xenophobe, Homophobes, Islamaphobes, Racist, and Bigot." All these cards are currently played by the demagogue for the sole purpose to shut down dissent-period.
 
A friend, who I respect and disagree with on some of these issues, was engaged in a thoughtful conversation, which went well. Why, because I consider my friend a decent person who I respect. I was more interested in her perspective than winning the debate. We sought clarity over agreement. I disagreed but respected my friend's "take" on the issues.

Free expression thrives in an atmosphere of decency and respect. Decency and respect for the others opinion creates an atmosphere where I could speak freely without fear of being demonized or dismissed. If we are not free to express opposing views-we are not free. Demagoguery poisons the well of free and open speech and has no place in the national dialogue.

But back to my friend and me-we're not ideologues even though we have passion in what we believe. Our friendship and desire to understand one another is more important than to win the debate or silence the other with a smear.

On a personal level, in everyday life, thousands of these "coffee table" conversations go on all the time. We may disagree with friends but we don't want to silence them with smears. If we can promote this "coffee table" conversation to the "national level, we will be able to have a conscientious, decent and respectful discussion on all these important issues. The only voice that needs to be silenced is that of the demagogue.

A Married Man among his Female Friends

I eat lunch at an outdoor mall and walk around before going back to work. I notice coworkers eating together. But sometimes I see a man and a woman sitting at a table and get the feeling they're married-but not to each other. To me, this encounter seems "out of place" as I notice the awkward glances and nervous flirting. I told my friend Jeff about my observation and he knew exactly what I was talking about. "It's a married man acting single" he tells me.

I love my wife and count myself lucky to have female friends-I can do both-like walking and chewing gum. But there are certain limitations to these friendships. I constantly remind myself of the differences. I have developed a "zone of discretion" so I can navigate the enjoyable company of my female friends while not compromising my integrity.

My zone is built on these principles:

• I start off with this thought: "Would I act the same way around my wife as I do my female friends?"
  
• I keep pictures of my wife and kids in my office as a visual reminder of where my priorities are.
  
• I make it a practice to go out to lunch as a group with my female friends.
  
• I become aware of feelings of attractions and keep them in check. I starve these feelings by acknowledging they exist but do not respond to them.
  
• I keep in mind what I would lose if I slip up: like the love and respect from my wife and three boys; my witness as a man of faith, among many other things.
  

Having female friends has enriched my life and actually made me a better husband and a man of integrity. But in order for this to happen, a zone of discretion has to be built and cultivated daily.