A Married Man among his Female Friends

I eat lunch at an outdoor mall and walk around before going back to work. I notice coworkers eating together. But sometimes I see a man and a woman sitting at a table and get the feeling they're married-but not to each other. To me, this encounter seems "out of place" as I notice the awkward glances and nervous flirting. I told my friend Jeff about my observation and he knew exactly what I was talking about. "It's a married man acting single" he tells me.

I love my wife and count myself lucky to have female friends-I can do both-like walking and chewing gum. But there are certain limitations to these friendships. I constantly remind myself of the differences. I have developed a "zone of discretion" so I can navigate the enjoyable company of my female friends while not compromising my integrity.

My zone is built on these principles:

• I start off with this thought: "Would I act the same way around my wife as I do my female friends?"
  
• I keep pictures of my wife and kids in my office as a visual reminder of where my priorities are.
  
• I make it a practice to go out to lunch as a group with my female friends.
  
• I become aware of feelings of attractions and keep them in check. I starve these feelings by acknowledging they exist but do not respond to them.
  
• I keep in mind what I would lose if I slip up: like the love and respect from my wife and three boys; my witness as a man of faith, among many other things.
  

Having female friends has enriched my life and actually made me a better husband and a man of integrity. But in order for this to happen, a zone of discretion has to be built and cultivated daily.