You don’t listen to me!

In an age of tweets and twitter, the ability to listen; I mean to really listen, has taken a hit. There are a thousand and one ways to get our message out, and yet we long for that simple person to person connection. 

On any given Sunday, in churches all across the Inland Empire, the pews are filled with lonely people, longing for community.

Influential psychologist and author Rollo May that “communication leads to community which then leads to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing.”

We cannot, nor should we, put the technological genie back in the bottle. However, our challenge today, especially as believers, is to nurture community; making connections and re-learning the basic skills of communicating with one another.

Communication involves a lot more than the spoken word. In our world of talking points and diatribes, we are not deficient in getting our point across. It’s the ‘listening’ part we need to prop up.  

And a good place to start is with the 5^th habit of Stephen Coveys ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ which is "Seek first to understand then be understood."

Listening involves understanding what the other person is saying. Our natural inclination is to be understood first-then, if there is time, to understand the other person.

By switching it around and Understanding first, we open up a deeper and more meaningful conversation. At first this approach feels unnatural, but through practice, you cultivate a skill called ‘empathic listening’ or as Carl Rogers would say "to listen unconditionally with empathy.”

It's not just the words you listen to, but the meaning behind the words. When a person listens with empathy, they begin to understand life as the other person sees it; to walk in the others shoes.

We all desire connections with others and to be understood, so give someone the gift of "understanding" in your next conversation. And begin the path of building community.