The ‘Congressman’ has no clothes

The modern politician speaks in empty platitudes and hollow slogans; fancy words that have no relevance to the daily life of Americans they represent.

But strip away the layers of the pompous ‘poli-speak,’ and you will find the congressman has no clothes; they speak in these abstract talking points that are regurgitated to them by handlers and consultants.

Politicians are politically correct ‘empty suits.’  There is no ‘humanity’ in political correctness, which is the mother of all this empty-talk.

Maybe this is why there is a visceral contempt for our elected officials. It’s no surprise that congress receives a 76% disapproval rate. The hallowed chamber has become a hollow chamber.     

American Novelist Walker Percy said “politics is disappointing. Most young people turn their backs on politics, not because of the lack of excitement of politics as it is practiced, but because of the shallowness, venality, and image-making as these are perceived through the media.”

Politicians have become larger than life celebrities. And it’s our fault; we have put them on pedestals. In the long run, idolization leads to cynicism and cynicism lead to callousness.

And this callousness is illustrated in our public discourse. We no longer can have a conversation among one another without it becoming heated and demagogic.

We don’t even have a common language as a starting point. Instead we converse with others who see it our way,. We live in these tribal echo chambers, rarely stepping out to break bread with our fellow Americans.

The politician only reflects a culture that has become tribal, empty and isolated.  The politician may have no clothes, but neither do we. And until we clothe ourselves in a genuine humanity, we will be cut off from community.  

In a hundred years, all this stuff won’t matter.  ‘All things fade,’ as they say.

I wonder what future generations will say of us. We will not be measured in our fancy and empty words, Instead we will be measured by how we treat those who we disagree with.

We are either enemies in isolation or Americans with diverse points of view in community.  Let us be clothed in a common human bond.  

"To be governed": by Pierre-Joseph Proudhon

"To be governed is to be watched, inspected, spied upon, directed, law-driven, numbered, regulated, enrolled, indoctrinated, preached at, controlled, checked, estimated, valued, censured, commanded, by creatures who have neither the right nor the wisdom nor the virtue to do so. 

To be governed is to be at every operation, at every transaction noted, registered, counted, taxed, stamped, measured, numbered, assessed, licensed, authorized, admonished, prevented, forbidden, reformed, corrected, punished. 

It is, under pretext of public utility, and in the name of the general interest, to be placed under contribution, drilled, fleeced, exploited, monopolized, extorted from, squeezed, hoaxed, robbed; then, at the slightest resistance, the first word of complaint, to be repressed, fined, vilified, harassed, hunted down, abused, clubbed, disarmed, bound, choked, imprisoned, judged, condemned, shot, deported, sacrificed, sold, betrayed; and to crown all, mocked, ridiculed, derided, outraged, dishonored. 

That is government; that is its justice; that is its morality."   Pierre-Joseph Proudhon

Reflections on my Dad: Don't take life too seriously

My dad recently passed away. And it’s only now that I’m finally learning the lessons from his life. Whether he or I knew it at the time, my dad was teaching me life lessons.

I am up to the third life lesson. The first two were, 'actions speak louder than words and the importance of self sacrifice.'

 Life lesson # 3 is: don’t take life too seriously:

I learned from my Dad not to take life too seriously: My dad was born in Brooklyn, New York, during the great depression; a time of devastating poverty, joblessness and outright destitution.

Rising out of this human calamity, was a belief that worldly possessions are fleeting, and life is indifferent to ones survival. 

It was from this background, that the conviction ‘not to take life too seriously,’ became embedded into the culture of that day. Why? Because you never knew when life as you knew it, would come crashing down.

My dad’s attitude towards life reflected author Fredrick Buechner’s admonition: “here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid.”

As a boy, I saw my dad as physically strong presence. And to witness his decline, reminded me how fragile life is. Yet my dad’s determination and attitude towards his ‘life circumstance,’ kept him from despair.       

During the last few years, I observed the slow deterioration of my dad’s health until he became wheelchair bound. I asked him ‘do you ever miss doing things you used to do?” And he said to me, “I don’t worry about that son, there are people in this world worse off than me.”

In the months leading up to his passing, he was hospitalized with severe pneumonia and he could barely catch a breath to speak to the Emergency intake nurse who asked him to rate his health on a scale of 1 to 10: 1 being poor and 10 being good; he told her it’s a 9, ‘my health is ‘good.’

We all thought dad was in denial, but he was very much aware of his condition, he would not allow sickness and pending death to dictate his attitude towards ‘the cards’ life had dealt him.  

He was living out of the principle 'don’t take life too seriously;' in spite of what life had handed him, he left this earth on his own terms.

Reflections on my Dad: The importance of self sacrifice

My dad recently passed away. And it’s only now that I’m finally learning the lessons from his life; much of which were on the subconscious level. Whether he or I knew it at the time, my dad was teaching me life lessons.

I’m highlighting these lessons in my next few blog posts (this is Life lesson #2).

The second lesson I learned is the importance of self sacrifice:

  

I learned from Dad what “self sacrifice” was:  simply put, self sacrifice means ‘to put others needs before your s.’

Much of what shaped my dad’s character came from his generation, his family’s influence and his Catholic upbringing, and ‘self sacrifice was a core value of his generation and his parents generation.  

It’s not that my dad was a Mother Theresa, far from it, but he truly believed that a husband and father should put his wife and families’ needs before his.   

The words “me or mine” seldom passed through my dad’s lips. He worked very hard and very long hours as an auto mechanic, with grease and gas up to his elbows, all day long.

He rarely missed work, but when vacation time came around, we would spend the entire vacation on a family road trip to Arizona or across the country to visit relatives back east.  His vacation was our vacation; he loved to spend his days away from work with the family.

My dad loved to bowl and he was pretty good at it. He was on several bowling leagues before we kids came along. When I was born, he stop going out every night and joined a bowling team that did not impact his time with Mom and his boy’s.

 ‘Self sacrifice’ seems so archaic in today’s ‘self absorbed’ culture. But it is a lesson that I both struggle with, and desire to make it my own ‘life value.’  

Reflections on my Dad: Actions speak louder than words

One week has passed since God has called my Dad home. And I’m sitting here at my favorite bagel place, surveying my dads’ life through pictures him and my mom, when they were young, poor and free.  

My Dad was not from the “let it all hang out” generation, so saying a few things about him would most likely embarrass him.

But it is only now, that I am finally learning the lessons from his life; much of which were on the subconscious level. Whether he or I knew it at the time, my dad was teaching me life lessons.

I want to highlight a few in the next few blog posts.

The first one is actions speak louder than words:

I learned from my dad that actions speak louder than words: My dad came from a generation where one is measured by what they do. And if your actions matched your words, you could be trusted.

He didn’t wear his emotions on his sleeves and was impatient with ‘too much drama.’ I’m certain he went through stress and anxiety, and had many a sleepless night, but he didn’t let us in on it. 

My dad pretty much kept his worries and concerns inside. We rarely got a glimpse into his emotional state when we were going through hard times. Some may say he bottled it up inside. But this was a time when there wasn’t a lot of psychoanalysis going on.  

My dad came from a generation where men were to put their ‘hands to the plow’ and be providers for their families; pillars of strength in times of storms. 

He believed you work hard, never ask for any handouts and be responsible for your actions; period!

“Don’t blame your misfortunes on anyone or complain about your lot in life, just work hard and get on with It.” my dad would say. He wanted our actions to speak for itself, without a lot of grandstanding or fuss.

3 Steps to peace when worry intrudes into my life

Worry creeps upon me slowly. It starts out with a small disturbing thought.  Or I read about the death of some well know person and then I notice my mind becomes tuned in to my own health.

Then I become increasingly aware of my physical symptoms. And my mind begins to wonder “what was that pain? What if it wasn’t a muscle pull? And on and on it goes.   

Anxiety certainly can do a number on the mind. But anxiety is part and parcel of being alive. All of us have “ultimate concerns” that we confront daily; things like death, isolation, meaningless and freedom.

‘Worry’ however is anxiety gone ‘bad.’ This type of anxiety becomes unhealthy when it intrudes into our daily thoughts and life.  

Recently death has become a conscious reality with my dad’s terminal illness; every day he lives, is a blessing that we can be with him one more day. So I am confronted with this human condition of mortality.  

But if left unchecked, anxiety turns to worry and worry turns to despair; one definition of worry is "an incessant goading to the point of despair."

In my past confrontation with worry, it traveled along a predictable path towards a severe anxious state. But in the last several years, I have been able to pull out before despair took root.

Below are 3 steps that have helped me decrease ‘worry’ recently. Maybe these can help you also if worry interferes with your daily life:  

1. Contemplate: Pick a comforting phrase, one of my favorites is “this too shall pass” and contemplate on it throughout the day. Write it on a post-it note and put it somewhere you can see it.

Or find a passage of scripture when worry intrudes your mind. I look up the words of Jesus on the subject of worry such as: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.                Each day has enough trouble of its own."

2. Laugh: Worry cannot coexist with laughter. Find a funny movie or visit with people you enjoy being around and can laugh with. Loosen the grip of worry by enjoying a funny moment, and soon worry will dissipate.

3. Roll with it:  Instead of trying to fight off the troubling thought, roll with it. Allow it to come, identify what it is and then let it go. The thought doesn't hang around long enough for worry to get a foot hold. It comes-I acknowledge it and it goes.

Worry robs all of us from living-fully in the moment. It robs me of my ‘presence’ in relationships, like my dad, who needs me during this time.

In times of worry or in times of happiness, moment by moment, peace can be ours. Just ask and receive.

What change looks like; moving beyond the status quo

My friend was baffled as to why her 20 year old daughter was avoiding getting her driver’s license.

“When I was 15, I couldn’t wait to drive; I would beg my parents to take me to an empty parking lot, so I could practice” my friend said.

Since the dawn of time, we have grappled with the question as to when, why and how people come to change their behavior, and why it seems some people don’t.

In my view, a person will consider to change when they are ready, willing and able. To some this may sound cliché, but experts who have studied change, have found that these three characteristics are present when a person chooses to break-with the status quo.

To be ready means I perceive change as a ‘priority.’ To be willing means that I perceive change as ‘important’ and when I am able, I feel confident to change.

Psychoanalyst Rollo May say’s “Change takes place when a person perceives the change is relevant to achieving or preserving something important.”

Change expert James Prochaska and other colleagues, constructed a path by which change takes place. This path takes a person through a series of steps away from resistance toward a commitment (see below)   

                         

The Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change:

                         Precontemplation (Not Ready)

                         Contemplation (Getting Ready)

                         Preparation (Ready)           

                         Action        

                         Maintenance           

             

To be sure, no one goes through these steps smoothly, it’s more like three steps forward and two steps back. Change takes place in small steps.

Let’s say my friend’s daughter is in the precontemplation stage. At this stage, she is not ready to change and most likely will not do anything about getting her driver’s license (DL) within the next 6 months, so says Prochaska.

Now, let’s say she moves towards contemplation. It is at this point that she is considering the importance of driving and getting her license; she is ‘willing’ and will probably make some personal movement towards getting her DL within the next 6 months.

As my friend’s daughter considers the importance of getting the license, she sees it as a priority and will move to the preparation or ready stage. Most likely she will be going to the DMV within the month.

This may also be called the “tipping point.”  

By the time she reaches the action stage, she has already gone down to the DMV (within the last 6 months) and is moving forward by becoming familiar with driving full time.   

The maintenance stage is the point where the daughter has been driving with her license for more than 6 months and is strengthening her resolve to keep it going. She is beginning to feel confident (able) in her driving skills.

Change is all around us. It is fluid and invites us to jump on and move forward. But we will only get on board when we are ready, willing and able and not anytime sooner.