Reflections on my Dad: The importance of self sacrifice

My dad recently passed away. And it’s only now that I’m finally learning the lessons from his life; much of which were on the subconscious level. Whether he or I knew it at the time, my dad was teaching me life lessons.

I’m highlighting these lessons in my next few blog posts (this is Life lesson #2).

The second lesson I learned is the importance of self sacrifice:

  

I learned from Dad what “self sacrifice” was:  simply put, self sacrifice means ‘to put others needs before your s.’

Much of what shaped my dad’s character came from his generation, his family’s influence and his Catholic upbringing, and ‘self sacrifice was a core value of his generation and his parents generation.  

It’s not that my dad was a Mother Theresa, far from it, but he truly believed that a husband and father should put his wife and families’ needs before his.   

The words “me or mine” seldom passed through my dad’s lips. He worked very hard and very long hours as an auto mechanic, with grease and gas up to his elbows, all day long.

He rarely missed work, but when vacation time came around, we would spend the entire vacation on a family road trip to Arizona or across the country to visit relatives back east.  His vacation was our vacation; he loved to spend his days away from work with the family.

My dad loved to bowl and he was pretty good at it. He was on several bowling leagues before we kids came along. When I was born, he stop going out every night and joined a bowling team that did not impact his time with Mom and his boy’s.

 ‘Self sacrifice’ seems so archaic in today’s ‘self absorbed’ culture. But it is a lesson that I both struggle with, and desire to make it my own ‘life value.’  

Slinging the Slurs

In every age the vilest specimens of human nature are to be found among demagogues ~ Thomas Babington Macaulay (1800-1859)

Whether it's the "Ground Zero" Mosque, or the Arizona Law or Gay Marriage, I've got to tip my hat to the demagogues-they sure know how to sling the slurs. I step back and admire the breathtaking speed by which a "smear" is flung with reckless abandon. Demagogues have no sense of humor-they really need to lighten up.

Demagogues wish to "shut you up" if you dissent from their narrative. Demagoguery silences the "opposing voices" by intimidating them with smears and lies. Political Correctness is an insidious form of demagoguery in the guise of "speech codes."

The current "soupe de jour" of smears can be found in Columnist, Dennis Prager's acronym: SIX HIRB-"Sexist, Intolerant, Xenophobe, Homophobes, Islamaphobes, Racist, and Bigot." All these cards are currently played by the demagogue for the sole purpose to shut down dissent-period.
 
A friend, who I respect and disagree with on some of these issues, was engaged in a thoughtful conversation, which went well. Why, because I consider my friend a decent person who I respect. I was more interested in her perspective than winning the debate. We sought clarity over agreement. I disagreed but respected my friend's "take" on the issues.

Free expression thrives in an atmosphere of decency and respect. Decency and respect for the others opinion creates an atmosphere where I could speak freely without fear of being demonized or dismissed. If we are not free to express opposing views-we are not free. Demagoguery poisons the well of free and open speech and has no place in the national dialogue.

But back to my friend and me-we're not ideologues even though we have passion in what we believe. Our friendship and desire to understand one another is more important than to win the debate or silence the other with a smear.

On a personal level, in everyday life, thousands of these "coffee table" conversations go on all the time. We may disagree with friends but we don't want to silence them with smears. If we can promote this "coffee table" conversation to the "national level, we will be able to have a conscientious, decent and respectful discussion on all these important issues. The only voice that needs to be silenced is that of the demagogue.