3 Steps to peace when worry intrudes into my life

Worry creeps upon me slowly. It starts out with a small disturbing thought.  Or I read about the death of some well know person and then I notice my mind becomes tuned in to my own health.

Then I become increasingly aware of my physical symptoms. And my mind begins to wonder “what was that pain? What if it wasn’t a muscle pull? And on and on it goes.   

Anxiety certainly can do a number on the mind. But anxiety is part and parcel of being alive. All of us have “ultimate concerns” that we confront daily; things like death, isolation, meaningless and freedom.

‘Worry’ however is anxiety gone ‘bad.’ This type of anxiety becomes unhealthy when it intrudes into our daily thoughts and life.  

Recently death has become a conscious reality with my dad’s terminal illness; every day he lives, is a blessing that we can be with him one more day. So I am confronted with this human condition of mortality.  

But if left unchecked, anxiety turns to worry and worry turns to despair; one definition of worry is "an incessant goading to the point of despair."

In my past confrontation with worry, it traveled along a predictable path towards a severe anxious state. But in the last several years, I have been able to pull out before despair took root.

Below are 3 steps that have helped me decrease ‘worry’ recently. Maybe these can help you also if worry interferes with your daily life:  

1. Contemplate: Pick a comforting phrase, one of my favorites is “this too shall pass” and contemplate on it throughout the day. Write it on a post-it note and put it somewhere you can see it.

Or find a passage of scripture when worry intrudes your mind. I look up the words of Jesus on the subject of worry such as: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.                Each day has enough trouble of its own."

2. Laugh: Worry cannot coexist with laughter. Find a funny movie or visit with people you enjoy being around and can laugh with. Loosen the grip of worry by enjoying a funny moment, and soon worry will dissipate.

3. Roll with it:  Instead of trying to fight off the troubling thought, roll with it. Allow it to come, identify what it is and then let it go. The thought doesn't hang around long enough for worry to get a foot hold. It comes-I acknowledge it and it goes.

Worry robs all of us from living-fully in the moment. It robs me of my ‘presence’ in relationships, like my dad, who needs me during this time.

In times of worry or in times of happiness, moment by moment, peace can be ours. Just ask and receive.

What change looks like; moving beyond the status quo

My friend was baffled as to why her 20 year old daughter was avoiding getting her driver’s license.

“When I was 15, I couldn’t wait to drive; I would beg my parents to take me to an empty parking lot, so I could practice” my friend said.

Since the dawn of time, we have grappled with the question as to when, why and how people come to change their behavior, and why it seems some people don’t.

In my view, a person will consider to change when they are ready, willing and able. To some this may sound cliché, but experts who have studied change, have found that these three characteristics are present when a person chooses to break-with the status quo.

To be ready means I perceive change as a ‘priority.’ To be willing means that I perceive change as ‘important’ and when I am able, I feel confident to change.

Psychoanalyst Rollo May say’s “Change takes place when a person perceives the change is relevant to achieving or preserving something important.”

Change expert James Prochaska and other colleagues, constructed a path by which change takes place. This path takes a person through a series of steps away from resistance toward a commitment (see below)   

                         

The Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change:

                         Precontemplation (Not Ready)

                         Contemplation (Getting Ready)

                         Preparation (Ready)           

                         Action        

                         Maintenance           

             

To be sure, no one goes through these steps smoothly, it’s more like three steps forward and two steps back. Change takes place in small steps.

Let’s say my friend’s daughter is in the precontemplation stage. At this stage, she is not ready to change and most likely will not do anything about getting her driver’s license (DL) within the next 6 months, so says Prochaska.

Now, let’s say she moves towards contemplation. It is at this point that she is considering the importance of driving and getting her license; she is ‘willing’ and will probably make some personal movement towards getting her DL within the next 6 months.

As my friend’s daughter considers the importance of getting the license, she sees it as a priority and will move to the preparation or ready stage. Most likely she will be going to the DMV within the month.

This may also be called the “tipping point.”  

By the time she reaches the action stage, she has already gone down to the DMV (within the last 6 months) and is moving forward by becoming familiar with driving full time.   

The maintenance stage is the point where the daughter has been driving with her license for more than 6 months and is strengthening her resolve to keep it going. She is beginning to feel confident (able) in her driving skills.

Change is all around us. It is fluid and invites us to jump on and move forward. But we will only get on board when we are ready, willing and able and not anytime sooner.  

When death comes knocking

My dad is not doing well. He is in the last stages of a disease that will take him soon. It is becoming clearer to me, how brief our life on this earth is. Life is like the fog; it envelopes us in the morning, and burns off by noon.

As I look through a 4^th story window in the hospital where my dad is being treated, I can see the town where he spent many healthy years as a young man, cutting his path in life.

And now, just a few miles away, he lies in this hospital bed at the end of that journey; one can say this is the ‘circle of life.’ As King Solomon says ‘Generations come and generations go, but the earth remains forever.’

I am also confronted with the notion that when my dad passes, the barrier between mortality and me is removed. And now I come face to face with my own death. Death has come knocking, not only for my dad, but for me, as I contemplate its purpose.

Existential Psychotherapist, Dr. Irvin Yalom says, “Death rumbles continuously under the surface, it is a dark unsettling presence at the rim of consciousness.”  

Death is a human ‘boundary’ that fences us in a world, that is temporal and transitory; a life where all things fade. We only have a brief time on this earth, and the ‘attachments’ I hold on to will burn-off like the fog.

So death is no longer an ‘academic question’ for me, it is here and real. I catch myself taking inventory of what really matters. I ask myself if the things I hold onto really mean much?

My mind flashes to the past resentments or anger at being wronged; all this comes into play when death comes knocking at the door. How much more should I throw those things off that tether me to this earth.

I am a Christian, and along with my dad we stand ‘in Christ’ and await the hope of eternal life. I completely understand ‘death’ has no power; I get that. But while I am here, on this earth right now, I am confronted with deaths’ finality on this side of heaven.   

We ‘believers’ sometimes miss ‘deaths’ lessons. It was easy to brush it aside-until now. Death is here; in my face, and now I understand who I am and my limitations. It is becoming clearer what really counts in this life, and what I can let go of.

With this lesson in mind, my faith is strengthened; not only in the knowledge that my dad will be in a better place, but while on this earth there are some things not worth being attached to.

When death comes knocking I will hold on to Faith-Hope and Love and from there, I will decide what really matters.  

.

What have we become? A reflection on being human

From the time Cain murdered Abel in a jealous rage, history reveals to us that cruel and callous behavior are nothing new to humanity. Probably the only difference is that this cruelty is posted on YouTube.  

One day, in a crime-ridden, south Chicago neighborhood, a 17 year old boy was beaten ruthlessly by thugs wielding a 2 X 4. Another teen, being a Good Samaritan, jumped in to help. But from behind, he was cold cocked by one of the attackers, wielding the 2X4 board.

I watched this brutality on the news. It was captured by a camera phone. The video shows the teen being hit, and as he was he trying to walk away, he stumbled to the ground. While lying there, lifeless, a punk kicked him in the head. He died later that day of massive head injuries.

Afterwards, the news media was interviewing witnesses, and a grieving grandmother, visibly anguished, cried out “What have we become!?”

Watching this violent beat-down on the news, it generated a lot of anger inside me; anger at the ease, by which one human can mercilessly beat another.

But what really disturbed me, was the “kick in the head” of a helpless teen, lying lifeless on the ground. It has been a few years since this incident, but I can’t shake the image.

The absence of ‘humanity’ in this sadistic act exposed the demonic power of evil. An evil ‘act’ happens when ones ‘humanity’ is stripped from them.

And when this happens the person is no longer seen as an individual with dignity and worth. Instead the person becomes an object; an impersonal nameless, faceless ‘abstract.’

Although the above incident was a few years ago, the grandmother’s anguished question has become a starting point for me when I hear of such callous treatment of people, I ask myself: “what have we become?”

We have become a culture severely deficient of ‘humanity’ in our politics; in our discourse and in our actions towards others with a different point of view.

We divide one another up by race, class, sexual orientation, gender and religious beliefs, among other numerous classifications and hyphenated groups; an abstracted humanity.

And when we reduce people to a ‘pigment color’ or a financial status, we remove their humanity. The person becomes an object to be exploited and a ‘means’ to a political or ideological end.

What have we become?

We have become a culture without the knowledge of a holy, loving and just God. Instead we have built a Tower of Babel and declared ourselves god. Thereby we removed our humanity and replaced it with a false divinity.   

It’s time to return to earth and reclaim our humanity and treat others with the dignity and worth as fellow humans.

We can ask ourselves ‘What have we become? But a further question that could be our starting point is “What will we be?”

Will we live the 'Dream?': a tribute to Martin Luther King Jr.

"I have a dream, that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."  

~ Reverend Martin Luther King Jr.

On August 28^th 1963, Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. told us he had a dream; a dream that one day ‘ones race’ would not matter, and that we would live out the true meaning of our nations creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

Full speech here: http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/mlkihaveadream.htm

As we honor Martin Luther King Jrs’ 83rd birthday, I am contemplating his ‘prophetic dream’ and the creed, by which he called on us to ‘live out.’

If we truly ‘lived out’ this self evident truth, that all men (and women) are created equal, it would mean that ‘ones race’ would no longer be a measurement of a person’s dignity and worth. It would also mean that 'pigment,' does not give us, ‘rights;’ instead, our 'rights,' come from God.

The whole concept of ‘race,’ would be exposed as the fraud it is. 'Race' would be rendered insignificant, and of no use in the daily discourse of a free nation. This was the prophetic essence of Reverend King’s dream; the invalidation of ‘race’ as a measurement of a person’s worth.

Our generation has a responsibility to confront the great moral questions of our day. And the question of ‘race’ and its significance continues to be our cultures obsession; why?

There are two polar beliefs that are coursing its way through our cultures discourse; either ‘race’ matters, and is an essential part in measuring a persons’ worth, or ‘race does not matter, and is irrelevant to a person’s worth.

Martin Luther King Jr. waged his ‘civil rights’ moral fight against the belief that ‘race’ matters. At that time, the ‘white race’ mattered, and because it mattered, it was legitimized.

This legitimization, brought with it ominous manifestations, such as segregation; Jim Crow laws; a ‘racist’ narrative of white privilege and power, insidious ‘norms’ which engendered racism, and gave credence to this evil belief, that one’s ‘race’ deemed them superior or inferior.

When the civil rights laws were inked, in the blood of Martin Luther King Jr., and millions of other non-violent warriors, this fraudulent belief was reckoned illegitimate.

But this belief did not die; the fight continues today.   

If our generation continues down this ‘archaic and in-humane path, that ‘race matters,’ then we will be threatened with its odious manifestations; such as 'racist identity groups ;' accusations of racism; the ‘race card, and a constant drip-drip-drip of racial fixation, in every social and political conversation; which leads to ‘race fatigue.’

But if our starting point is that ‘race’ does not matter, then we will come to see it for what it truly is; that ‘race’ is a social and political construct, used to exploit one group of people over another.

Our choice will determine what kind of people we will be. We will either be a people of the ‘dream’ and carry on Reverend King’s legacy, which is to ‘live out’ the self evident truth, that all people are created equal. 

Or we will be a ‘race obsessed’ people where some people are more equal than others, depending on our pigment.


Will we live the dream and be free or we will die in our race obsessed nightmare.   

7 “continuing resolutions” for 2012

Pic by Jannoon 028

Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits. ~ Anonymous

2011 is coming to an end, and I will NOT be making any new resolutions. Instead, I have to work on the old ones I have yet to master. I figure if politicians can have ‘continuing resolutions,’ so can I.  

 I’m reading a book by Psychologist, Irvin D Yalom; Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the Terror of Death.

In the book, Yalom discusses Schopenhauer’s concept of “eternal return;” in which he poses this question: Suppose a person could live their entire life again and again, ad infinitum; would they live it differently? Can the person say they have lived a full life? Etc…

So this New Year, I’m posing this question to my own life and asking; ‘If I was to live 2011 all over again, would I change anything? Or was it a year well lived?

Over the past several years, I have been working on certain ‘life themes’ to better myself and to live a full life. Below, I have prioritized 7 of them that I continue to master. I’m bringing these 7 ‘continuing resolutions’ into the New Year and they are:

Live graciously: I will be gracious to people who irritate me; especially the drivers who cut me off or don’t let me merge, on my morning commute. And for the rude and discourteous people I come into contact with.  I’ll make it a point not let the person’s actions poison my mood; I’ll let it go, smile and move on.

Connect with curiosity: I will make connections with old friends and make new acquaintances. I will foster curiosity and learn something new about them; even people I have known along time. This year I will make connections with people, not because I have to but because I want to.  In this way, our time together will be meaningful and one of genuine care and curiosity.  

Lighten up: I will decrease listening to news and talk radio and spend time living in the moment. I’ll listen to music or sports or comedy shows. I will spend more time with people who don’t take life so seriously, and are not angry ideologues. I will not be hanging out with folks who are occupying Wall Street or any other street for that matter.   

Listen more and talk less: I will listen more and talk less. I will do this by practicing ‘empathic listening.’ I will begin with my boys, and understand their hopes and dreams, without imposing my dreams on them. I will empathically listen to people who have a different point of view, and see life through their eyes.

Laugh more: We all need to chill out and laugh more; I will find ways to laugh more this year; whether through movies, TV shows or just sharing laughter with others.

Attend church and actually learn: I will listen to my pastor’s sermons and actually learn from him, instead of critiquing what he says. I will turn off my ‘pastor/teacher’ default button, and become an active learner. I will enjoy the fellowship of my faith community and get to know my brothers and sisters in church.

The "Pirateway" Review of the year 2011 A.D.

JANUARY 2011

In the News:

1/8/11: Arizona Rep. Gabrielle Giffords was shot in an assassination attempt, she survived, however six were killed, including a Federal Judge.

Prominent Deaths:

1/23/11: Jack LaLanne (96); Fitness guru and TV workout pioneer.

Top Facebook post:

 1/19/11: Hang on I.E.!!! 60 to 80 mph wind gusts tonight! (The inland empire, in Southern California is known for the powerful Santa Ana winds during this time of the year)  

FEBRUARY 2011

In the News:

2/16/11: Borders Files for Bankruptcy: The 40-year-old retail chain that helped usher in the age of the book superstore files for bankruptcy protection. (A few months after going bankrupt Borders closed all stores.)

Prominent Deaths:

2/28/11: Jane Russell; Hollywood pin-up of 1940s and 50s. Co-star of Marilyn Monroe in "Gentleman Prefer Blondes."

Top Facebook post:

 2/6/11: it’s going to be a Green Bay Day!!! GO PACKERS (A Superbowl prediction that I was right for a change! Packers beat Steelers 31-25)

MARCH 2011

 In the News:

3/12/11: National Football League Shuts Down: NFL owners and players cannot agree to terms of a new collective bargaining agreement before the current one expires.

Prominent Deaths:

3/23/11: Movie legend Elizabeth Taylor passed away at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, where she had been hospitalized for six weeks, of congestive heart failure. She was 79.

Top Facebook post:

 3/11/11: Keeping Japan in my prayers and thoughts today… (An 8.9 earthquake shook Japan’s coast and caused radiation leaks from nuclear reactors at the Daiichi facility, Fukushima.)

APRIL 2011

In the News:

4/29/11: Three Billion Watch Prince William Marry Kate Middleton: A million people line the streets, half a million gather in front of Buckingham Palace, and two billion tune in via television or computer to see Kate Middleton marry Prince William.

Prominent Deaths:

4/27/11: David Wilkerson (79), American Christian evangelist and author of The Cross and the Switchblade, was killed in a car accident.

Top Facebook post: 

4/9/11: Generosity frees' me up from the insatiable need to demand "my way..."

MAY 2011

 In the News:

5/1/11: Osama bin Laden Is Killed in Pakistan: U.S. troops and CIA operatives shoot and kill Osama bin Laden in Abbottabad, Pakistan, a city of 500,000 people that houses a military base and a military academy outside Islamabad, Pakistan.

5/22/11: The southwest Missouri city of Joplin is just starting to recover from a massive tornado that tore through the city Sunday, cutting a path nearly six miles long and killing at least 89 people.

.Prominent Deaths:

 5/27/11: Jeff Conway: The embattled reality show star fell into a coma and passed away. He had become more famous in recent years for his battle with drugs and alcohol on "Celebrity Rehab" than for his role Kanicky in Grease.

Top Facebook post: 

5/21/11: spending a nice, sunny "End of the World" Day @ Panera (Unfortunate prognosticator Harold Camping predicted that the world would come to an end on May 21, 2011...Ooops!) 

JUNE 2011

 In the News:

6/12/11: Dallas Beats Miami for NBA Title: The Dallas Mavericks win the first NBA championship in franchise history, beating the Miami Heat 105–95 in Game 6.

6/16/11: Weiner Resigns Over Online Scandal: U.S. representative Anthony D. Weiner resigns from office due to a scandal over his online misbehavior, which involved sending explicit photos of himself to several women via Facebook and Twitter.

Prominent Deaths:

6/24/11: Peter Falk, an actor best known for his role in "Columbo," died at the age of 83.

6/18/11: Clarence Clemons AKA the Big Man, Clemeons was the saxophonist in the E Street Band, Bruce Springsteen's backup band. He died of complications from a stroke.

6/3/11: Dr. Jack Kevorkian, the Michigan pathologist who put assisted suicide on the world's medical ethics stage died at the Beaumont Hospital. He was 83.

Top Facebook post:

6/18/11: R.I.P. the Big Man! (Commenting on the sad news of Clarence Clemons death: see above)

JULY 2011

In the News:

7/5/11: Casey Anthony Found Not Guilty of Murder: After almost six weeks of testimony, a jury of five men and seven women finds Casey Anthony not guilty of killing her daughter, Caylee Marie who was last seen with her mother on June 16, 2008.

Prominent Deaths:

7/23/11: Amy Winehouse; U.K. pop star was found dead Saturday in her London home. The cause of death has not been released, but she was only 27 years old.

7/8/11: Betty Ford died at the age of 93.

Top Facebook post:

 7/9/11: Had a chance to stop by for one more walk down memory lane...(Bethany Bible College, where I received my ministry degree, officially came to a close on August 11, 2011) 

AUGUST 2011

In the News:

 Nothing newsworthy in August! 

Prominent Deaths :

8/3/11: Bubba Smith 10-year NFL veteran and "Police Academy" franchise star Bubba Smith died at age 66 in his Los Angeles home.

Top Facebook post:

8/19/11: "Care is a state in which something does matter; it is the source of human tenderness"~Rollo May (A quote from one of my favorite existential authors)

SEPTEMBER 2011

In the News:

Same ol' same ol...just the usual normal stuff.

Prominent Deaths:

9/10/11: Oscar-winning actor Cliff Robertson, best known to modern audiences as Uncle Ben from the "Spider-Man" films, died just one day after his 88th birthday.

Top Facebook post:

 9/10/11: "9-10-11" (Once in a life time to have these numbers line up in this sequence)

OCTOBER 2011

In the News:

10/20/11: Qaddafi Is Captured and Killed: Libya's interim government announces that Col. Muammar el-Qaddafi has been killed by rebel troops in Surt, his hometown.

10/28/11: Cardinals Beat Rangers to Win World Series: The St. Louis Cardinals beat the Texas Rangers 6–2 in game seven to win the World Series.

Prominent Deaths:

10/5/11: Steve Jobs (56), American computer entrepreneur and inventor, co-founder of Apple Inc.

10/8/11: Al Davis (82), American football coach and team owner

10/16/11: Indy Car driver Dan Wheldon died after suffering severe injuries in a 15-car wreck at the Las Vegas Indy 300. He was 33 years old.

Top Facebook post: 

10/5/11: "I want to put a ding in the universe." ~Steve Jobs...I believe he did...R.I.P. (Steve Jobs passed away, considered a Thomas Edison in our generation) 

NOVEMBER 2011

In the News:

11/5/11: Sex Abuse Scandal Shakes Up Penn State (Nov. 5): Former Penn State defensive coordinator, Jerry Sandusky, is arrested on charges of 40 counts of sexual abuse over a 15-year period.

11/18/11: Penn State head football coach Joe Paterno is fired (Nov. 18) by the school's Board of Trustees because he failed to notify the police in 2002 after he was informed of a suspected assault by Sandusky.:

Prominent Deaths:

11/8/11: Bill Keane; Creator of the long running newspaper comic "Family Circus", passed at the age of 89.

11/8/11: Popular rapper Heavy D (real name: Dwight Arrington Myers) was rushed to an LA hospital after collapsing at his Beverly Hills home.

11/7/11: Former Heavyweight Champion, ‘Smokin' Joe Frazier, succumbed to liver cancer at the age of 67

11/5/11: Emmy Award winning 60 Minutes commentator Andy Rooney, most famous for his A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney segment, died of complications due to a recent surgery.

Top Facebook post:

11/20/11: “Cheap grace is the grace we bestow on ourselves. Cheap grace is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline, Communion without confession.... Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate.” ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer

DECEMBER 2011

In the News:

12/25/11: Man dressed as Santa Clause fatally shoots 6 family members, then kills himself.  GRAPEVINE, Texas (AP)

Prominent Deaths :

12/18/11: Kim Jong-Il was pronounced dead. Known in North Korea as "Dear Leader" and other places as a tyrant, Jong-Il served as the countries leader under the communist regime.

12/18/11: Vaclav Havel; Playwright and President of both Czechoslovakia and the Czech Republic, died in his home at the age of 75.

12/15/11: Christopher Hitchens; Prolific writer and politico, passed away at the age of 62 from complications due to cancer.

12/7/11: Harry Morgan, most known for his turn as Colonel Sherman T. Potter in the smash TV show "M*A*S*H" when he replaced McLean Stevenson in the fourth season.

Top Facebook post:

12/11/11: “Judging others makes us blind, whereas love is illuminating. By judging others we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as we are.” ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer