Improving your conversation skills by cultivating curiosity

People love to tell their story-if only we would listen.

Huell Howser, who passed away recently, hosted a public television program called "California Gold, " he had a wonderful skill of getting people to tell their story.

He would travel around California and discover some of the states unique places and people, like Emu farmers and artisans who made things out of recycled goods.

Howser was a master conversationalist who cultivated the conversational skill of 'curiosity.' This genuine 'curiosity' was displayed in all his interactions.

Curiosity is taking an active interest in another person in a non possessive way. Being genuinely curious, Huell would ask a question and then get out of the way.

In an L.A. Times expose after his death, his assistant Ryan Smith said this about his boss, Huell "always wanted to be seen as a storyteller, and never wanted the story to be about him.

The above statement reminds me of a G.K. Chesterton quote: "how much larger your life would be if your 'self' were smaller in it."  

I will know that curiosity and empathy has produced fruit, if after a conversation, the other person walks away knowing more about themselves rather than me.

Cultivating Curiosity in the Age of Tweets and Twitter

Huell Howser, host of "California Gold" is the only person I know that can get pretty excited about broken glass.

Let me explain. Huell travels up and down the state and discovers some of California's unique and eccentric places like lighthouses, Emu farmers and artisans who make things out of broken glass. 

One episode, Huell visited a man who creates "deco art" using recycled glass. I was listening to the conversation with amazement and I got the sense that Huell sincerely cares about this guy and his broken glass. 

Curiosity is hard to develop, especially if the topic is of no interest. I mean how excited can one get about wall paper design? But being curious requires me to really listen and enter another persons world with empathy.

Curiosity softens my "self certainty" about life and increases my ability to see life with a sense of "wonder." So I became "curious" watching Huell work his magic in getting people to open up about what I thought was mundane topics.

I went on to "youtube" and I watched closely how the great interviewers like Huell Howser, Jack Paar, Brian Lamb and Roy Firestone brought a person to life.

I listened to how each of these conversationalist weaved curiosity into the interview. Soon I began to notice something interesting.  Over the course of the conversation, the interviewer took a back seat and I was focused on the other person and their story-I almost forgot the interviewer was in the room.

The interviewers had to be ok with backing down and allowing the other person to come alive. The ego sure can get in the way of being curious, especially in this current age of "self obsession.

Conversation is becoming a lost art in the land of tweets and twitter. It's time bring curiosity back, dust it off and learn "conversation" all over again.